Getting to Happy Read Online Free PDF

your social calendar. It’s totally blank unless you count my lovely aunties and your bi-monthly DVD outings, but all of you guys live too much by the book. I mean, when you get to be like fifty isn’t this when you should like really be kicking up your heels and kicking ass?”
    I take my eye off the road and loosen my grip on the steering wheel. “What did you just say?”
    “I went too far. I meant what I just said and I apologize for using that profane word. It was completely out of line, but you get my drift, don’t you, Mom?”
    “Why are you on my case today?”
    “Because it’s a beautiful morning and I’m about to enter a whole new zone in these few short years I’ve been on this planet and I was just your little girl in braces and thank you for these knockers, Mom—but have I grown up faster than the speed of light right before your very eyes or what?”
    “Yes, indeed you have.”
    “My point is that if I can see how fast it’s going, then I know you should be about ready to like let it rip! I mean, don’t you look at yourself some mornings and think, Damn, Robin—I mean, darn it, Robin—is this it ?”
    “Of course.”
    “Then how do you respond, Mom?”
    “That is not something I feel like sharing with you.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because I don’t, that’s why.”
    “Is it something you’re ashamed of?”
    “No!”
    “I mean, do you ever think: Wow, I feel like a cat trying to walk backwards?”
    “What in the world are you talking about, Sparrow?”
    “Never mind,” she says with a sigh, as if she just can’t get what she wants or needs to get out of me. I just wanted the girl to get her driver’s permit this morning, not put my life under a doggone spotlight for her inspection. I mean, who does she think she is? She’s the daughter. I’m the mother. What makes her think her opinions or her little teenage insights are worth their weight in gold? I know she means well. And there’s a small chance she may be right. But you shouldn’t let your kids know when they know more than you do.
    “What I mean is, do you ever wish you could go back and do things differently?”
    “Of course I do.”
    “Like what, for instance?”
    “I wish I had chosen a different career and been better at picking men.”
    “Well, it’s not too late, is it?”
    “I don’t know what else I’d do to make a living other than what I’ve been doing.”
    “Have you ever given it any thought?”
    “Yes. I mean no. I don’t know.”
    “When I tell my friends you’re like an underwriter it’s hard to explain. But it sounds boring.”
    “It isn’t boring.”
    “But what do you get out of it?”
    “Let’s skip the subject. Anyway, I’ll think about trying online dating.”
    “Good, because I’ve already set you up on three sites. You can go in and edit your profiles, Mom, even though I told like major lies about you. I had a hecka good time pretending to be you. And for the record, please don’t lie about your age like some of my friends’ moms do, please.”
    “I don’t have to lie about my age, and I said I’ll give it some thought.”
    “You think long, you think wrong. Let’s be honest here, Mom. The only true loves in your life besides me are those stupid little dogs.”
    “Romeo and Juliet are not stupid!” They happen to be my teacup terriers, who together weigh about seven pounds and are cute as can be.
    “They don’t serve any purpose, all they do is bark and you spend a fortune on them. Plus, they don’t protect us from anything. A robber could climb over the fence in the backyard and walk right into our house and they’d probably lead him straight to my room.” She bites what’s left of her royal blue nails. Of course they’re chipped. Which drives me up the frigging wall. She has no idea what tacky means.
    “They’re called pets, Sparrow.”
    “Well, they get on my nerves, but you love them, so forget I said it. The point I’m trying to make here is that times have