Geezer Paradise Read Online Free PDF Page A

I couldn't take my eyes off her.  She walked right up beside me and looked at the bookcase filled with crystal. 
                  "Could you get that punch bowl down for me?" she asked, pointing her perfectly manicured finger at a three-hundred dollar item.
                  "Certainly, ma'am," I said.  I reached up, took the punch bowl down, and placed it in her hands.  As she took the bowl I heard something fall to the tiled floor.  I looked down, she had dropped her car keys.
                  "Allow me," I said.  In my desire to impress this beautiful creature I moved a little too fast, and when I bent down to retrieve her keys I accidently hit the bookcase with my butt.  I heard an ominous snapping sound from above.  I looked up and saw the top of the bookcase moving away from the ceiling.  Thin, broken wires dangled down.  I jumped up and tried to grab onto a shelf, but I misjudged the distance and hit the shelf with the palm of my hand, sending into a fatal plunge.  The smaller items from the top shelves were already crashing to the tiled floor.  There was nothing I could do.  I turned to the now wide eyed woman and dropped her car keys into the punch bowl she was holding.
                  "There you are, ma'am," I said.  I put my finger under her lovely chin and closed her pretty mouth.  The bookcase went down with a thunderous, floor bouncing, crash.  I hurried to the front of the store and worked my way through the small crowd that had already gathered there.  I double timed it to the down escalator and hid in front of a large lady holding three shopping bags. 
                  "Lovely day," I said to her.  I hit the ground floor at a slow trot, trying not to call attention to myself, and beat it out the front entrance.  I jogged to my Wrangler and got out of there as fast as I could.  Imagine tying up a heavy bookcase like that with just a couple of thin wires.  Some people are just plain stupid.  I could have been killed.
                  I wondered if I should sue?
     
                  When I pulled into my carport Willey came running over all excited.  "Barney, Mary called.  The coroner told her Freddy has broken capillaries in his eyes like he choked to death, but his airway wasn't blocked.  The coroner is going to take a closer look."
                  "Well, don't go getting all in a dither," I said.  "It still might have been caused by a heart attack.  We won't know until we hear back from the coroner."
                  "I don't know about you," Willey said.  "But I'm going to be sleeping with one eye open until we know for sure."  I watched Willey shuffle back to his house.  I didn't want to let on, but I was worried, too.  Willey wasn't the only one who would be sleeping with one eye open.  But first things first, the first thing being lunch.  I went inside and opened my refrigerator--nothing edible there.  Time to go to the supermarket.  There's one just up the street.  It's a lifesaver for those in the park that don't have a car.  I go there because their prices are better.  They don't always have everything, it's hit or miss.  But if you're creative you can get by with what they do have.  It's in a strip mall that has a large package store with decent prices, and a store where everything costs a dollar.  That comes in handy, too.  I walked up to the crosswalk and pushed the button so I could cross.  You can cross against the light, but when you consider that the next car coming at you is probably being driven by an eighty year old with bad eyesight, it makes you pause. 
                  I walked into the icy air of the supermarket and shivered.  If they turned the air conditioning down they could make themselves a better profit, and maybe even lower their prices a little more.  Most of the people in the park have these little wire bag carriers they pull