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thechildren were positively mutinous when we told them they would be cooped up in this musty old castle. Having you here will be such a nice diversion for them. Daphne is happy everywhere, Beatrice is unhappy everywhere, and Cecil’s in the middle. He’s fascinated by disadvantaged people like you, and having some male company will do him good. And of course, we’re helpless trying to set up our ‘internet connection,’ or what have you. As soon as the kids are able to ‘chat’ with their buddies, I imagine they’ll be at peace. Peaceful kids, that’s all a parent can hope for, isn’t it?”
    Ralph nodded as if he, too, were a parent who had always hoped for nothing more.
    “So, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that the castle — a manor, really, who are we kidding — is set up with three separate wings. The children like to think that they each have their own. Of course we’re just humoring them with that. They don’t seem to realize that the middle bit is only the entrance hall, which means that everything else — servants’ quarters, dining room, the studies, all the closets, master bedroom, the garage, all of it — is actually scattered throughout their wings. But it’s the Beatrice wing, the Cecil wing, and the Daphne wing. They’re tyrants about it. Just tyrants. You should see Cecil trying to come into Daphne’s wing. You can hear her protests throughout the castle. Very amusing. Do you have a ‘lady friend'?”
    Ralph shook his head as he tried to keep up with Gert’s twisting monologue. “Not really.”
    “Wonderful,” Gert said. “You’re too young to be tied down yet. Not that you’ll meet any available young ladies around here. We’re quite isolated. You could follow Cecil into town when he’s on the job, though. He’s got this thing about working. He hates the ‘aristocracy.’ But you know teenagers — they’ll always find an excuse to loathe themselves.”
    Ralph nodded, wondering in what way he loathed himself.
    Gert stopped up short and took Ralph’s hands in her own. He could see from the set of her eyes that she had grown weary of the castle tour, a full forty paces from where it had begun. They were on to deeper things. He felt afraid: Her impeccable kindness and charity made him certain of some inner wickedness. “Listen, Ralph, I want to be perfectly honest with you. I invited you over here because we could use your darling expertise, to be sure, but I also want you to know that I consider this a full invite to be an honorary member of our family. We
adore
you, we really do —”
    Ralph blinked. He wasn’t sure he had even learned everyone’s names yet. “— and I want you to know — we want you to know — that we all can imagine what it’s like to have parents who are controlling and try to isolate you from any other family! I suppose I’m saying that I want to be a mother to you, too, if you’ll let me. Like Mother Number Two, though I’d ask that you don’t call me that.”
    “Actually, about that, Gert. My parents are great. I like them a lot. I didn’t come here to get away from them.”
    “Oh!” Gert cradled Ralph’s cheek in her hand. “Oh, of
course
they’re great. I wouldn’t mean to imply that they’re holding you back from being special, or anything else like that.” She laid one long-fingered hand over her heart. “They live in here.” She moved the hand to Ralph’s chest. “And in here.”
    “That, too, but they’re also living in New Jersey. They’re probably pretty worried.”
    Gert put a hand over her mouth and wordlessly embraced Ralph. Then she backed away, beaming a curdling force of affection. “We’ll have someone give them a call,” she said, then backed around a corner and vanished.

CHAPTER VI
    Gert left Ralph in a hallway dominated at one end by a massive window. He stared through the cloudy renaissance glass at a garden below and watched the bluebells bow before the first hints of rain. He did his best not to think