Further Under the Duvet Read Online Free PDF

circus-print fifties-style shirt-waister. Then a model with hair like a brioche, wearing a tweed suit trimmed with spangles. And a model with hair like a batch loaf in a petrol-blue coat, patterned with lilac triangles. There are little felt pixie hats, net face-coverers dotted with what looks like Smarties and excellent two-toned shoes with bold, big-top stripes. (The theme is a circus one.) It’s fun, cheery and knuckle-gnawingly beautiful. All too soon, it’s over and everyone is off to parties – there’s one at Hugo Boss, another at Fendi – but I’m exhausted from all that yearning, I have to go home and lie down.
    First published in
Marie Claire,
September 2004
.

My Five Top Fives
    How to justify buying as many shoes as you want in five easy-to-follow steps
    1) The economy is slowing down, so we’ve got to keep spending in order to avoid a recession.
    2) As my mother always says, if you’re doing a job, do it properly. If you’ve gone to the trouble of going out shopping, make it worth your while – never take the lazy way out by buying just one pair.
    3) Your current ones might be stolen by a rabid inner-city fox, so it’s vital to have a back-up pair. Several, actually.
    4) Everyone needs a hobby.
    5) You need to match your new bag. You can’t go out in last season’s ones. Honestly, do they want you to be a public laughing-stock?
    As if you ever need a reason, here are my top five reasons to buy even more handbags
    1) You need to match your new shoes. You can’t go out with last season’s one. Honestly, do they want you to be a public laughing-stock?
    2) What else are you going to carry your Maltesers in?
    3) A second hobby is always nice…
    4) That rabid inner-city fox could strike again and it mightn’t be shoes this time…
    5) Beautiful handbags are works of art. It’s culture, innit?
    Ice cream can be found in many flavours – but these are the best!
    1) Triple chocolate, chocolate chip, chocolate-coated, thigh-exploding special. (Served with chocolate sauce and anti-cellulite serum.)
    2) Vanilla – the unsung hero.
    3) Brown bread – strange but true!
    4) Baileys – it’s the one thing I miss now that I don’t drink any more.
    5) Strawberry – we need to eat five helpings of fruit or veg a day, what better way to do it?
    So, you’ve met the bronzed body of your dreams, the question is, what movie to go and see. The only ones that fit the bill in this situation are:
    1)
Roman Holiday
– if you don’t see him wiping away a sneaky tear at the end, get rid of him.
    2)
Raising Arizona
– if he says, ‘Blimey, what was that all about?’ also hurry him to the door.
    3)
Seeking Five Metal Jacket Men Still Standing on a Thin Red Toor of Dooty
– or any other of those war movie things starring the likes of Bruce Willis smeared with photogenic soot and wearing an ivy-covered helmet. You’ll be bored out of your skull, of course, but he’ll think you’re the coolest girl he’s ever met, for suggesting it.
    4)
Monsoon Wedding
– you’ll both feel so uplifted afterwards that anything could happen.
    5) Any porno film from the local video shop – the LAUGH you’ll have!
    Or if you’re just going to admire the actors…
    1) Harrison Ford. I know he’s getting a little mature these days, but all the same… I’ve never really recovered from
Working Girl
, the bit where he takes his shirt off at work and all the girls cheer… Ahhh…
    2) Philip Seymour Hoffman. I can’t understand it. He’s freckly, a bit chunky, and has perhaps a touch of the gingers, but he’s such a great actor.
    3) Brendan Gleason. Ditto.
    4) George Clooney. I never really got him until I saw him in
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
, then everything changed. You were right, I was wrong – he’s YUM.
    5) Likewise Billy Bob Thornton. I couldn’t see why women kept marrying him until I saw him in
The Man Who Wasn’t There
and he was so understatedly brilliant in it that I’d nearly marry him myself. (Assuming he was