Funny Boy Versus the Bubble-Brained Barbers from the Big Bang Read Online Free PDF

was horrible!”
    The studio audience cracked up. Bob Foster had to hold his sides, he was laughing so hard.
    “I used to have long, beautiful hair,” a lady said. “But these barbers took my hair and flushed it down my toilet. Now my whole sewer line is backed up and I haven’t been able to shower.” Bob Foster couldn’t control himself. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.
    “We want our hair back!” the people in the background chanted. “We want our hair back!” Bo, Barry, and Burly Barber were on the screen again, with evil smiles on their faces.

    “Heed this warning!” Barry Barber said. “We are making our way around the globe, taking your hair as we go. Soon we will get to America. Make it easy on yourselves. Surrender now. Give us your hair, or we will have to take it by force. It won’t be long before the entire Earth is bald, bald, bald! Hahahahaha!”
    “Hahahaha!” chortled Bob Foster. “I love this show. Those barbers crack me up.”
    “You’ve got to do something!” Punch whispered to me. “This is serious!”
    If your teacher tells you to put this book away right now, don’t stop reading. It’s more important for you to finish this book than it is for you to learn.

CHAPTER 8

    HOW TO DRIVE THE SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST INSANE
    Mrs. Wonderland was explaining decimals to us the next morning when there was a knock at the classroom door. It was a tall lady, pretty, wearing a sweater. She whispered something to Mrs. Wonderland. Mrs. Wonderland pointed to me and told me to go with the lady.
    “My name is Dr. Breznitski,” the lady said in a soft voice as we walked down the hall. “I’d like to talk with you for a few minutes.”
    Dr. Breznitski took me to an office that said CHILD STUDY TEAM over the door. Wind chimes tinkled as we went inside. The walls were painted in soothing pastel colors. There were stuffed animals all over the room. Obviously, this was where they took kids who might possibly be insane.
    Dr. Breznitski’s diploma was on the wall over her desk. It said she graduated from the University of Pennsylvania just two years ago.
    “I’m not here to yell at you,” Dr. Breznitski said calmly as she sat down and put on her glasses. “I’m a psychologist. I’m here to run a few tests and to help you. You can confide in me. Is anything troubling you?”
    “I have an incurable disease,” I lied.
    “Oh, I’m so sorry,” Dr. Breznitski said sympathetically. “I didn’t see that in your file. No wonder you’ve been acting peculiar.”
    “My hamster ran away,” I continued. “Nobody loves me. My family is broke. My house was destroyed in a hurricane. I have a mosquito bite that I can’t reach. I’m sunburned. There’s a hole in my sock. ...”
    “Okay, that’s enough,” she said. “You’re just yanking my chain, aren’t you?”
    “Yeah,” I admitted.
    “I see. Why do you feel this need to be silly all the time?”
    “It’s not a need,” I explained. “Something about

    Earth’s atmosphere gave me a superior sense of humor. Even if I try, I can’t stop making jokes.”
    “I see. And that yellow cape,” she continued. “Why do you wear it?”
    “Because my other yellow cape is in the wash.”
    “I see,” Dr. Breznitski said, taking notes. “I’d like you to look at this picture and tell me what you see.”
    She handed me a card with a black-and-white drawing on it. I looked at it carefully.
    “It’s an Eskimo girl ice fishing outside her igloo,” I reported.
    Dr. Breznitski had a puzzled look on her face. She leaned over to check the drawing.
    “There’s no Eskimo girl,” she said. “There’s no igloo. It’s a picture of a boy throwing a rock. Why did you say you saw an Eskimo girl ice fishing outside her igloo?”
    “The Eskimo girl is behind the boy throwing the rock,” I explained.
    “How do you know there’s an Eskimo girl behind the boy throwing the rock?”
    “I didn’t know,” I said. “You just told me.”
    “I