Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay) Read Online Free PDF Page B

your own dentist?” asked Bob Foster.
    “DID YOU EVER TRY TO LOOK IN YOUR OWN MOUTH?” asked the alien.
    “You could use a mirror,” suggested Punch.
    “WE DON’T HAVE MIRRORS ON DEIMOS!”
    “You’re lucky,” I told the alien. “If I looked like you, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near a mirror.”
    “We can get you a dentist right here on Earth,” said Bob Foster. “No problem. Then you can leave us alone and go home. Or we can just give you a mirror.”
    “NO!” thundered Denny the alien. “IT IS TOO LATE FOR THAT. YOUR PRESIDENT HAS OFFENDED ME! SO I WILL DESTROY THE EARTH!”
    “Isn’t that a bit of an overreaction?” asked Bob Foster.
    “Yeah,” I said. “Maybe you should start by destroying a small village, just to see if you like it. Then you can destroy a town, and then gradually work your way up to big cities and entire planets.”
    “ENOUGH TALK!” said Dr. Denny. “I WILL KILL EARTHLINGS ONE AT A TIME UNTIL THEY ARE ALL GONE.”
    “Not so fast, Denny!” I shouted. “You leave me no choice but to use my superpower to stop you.”
    “THAT’S DR. DENNY TO YOU,” Denny replied. “WHAT SUPERPOWER IS THAT?”
    “My superior sense of humor!” I replied. “What do you call a fish with no eyes?”

    “WHAT?”
    “A fsh,” I told him. “Get it? No I?”
    “That’s it ?” asked Punch. “ That’s the best joke you can come up with? That’s your superior sense of humor? Do you realize how desperate we are? This guy is going to destroy the world!”
    “Okay, how about this one?” I asked. “How do you make a werewolf stew?”
    “HOW?”
    “Keep him waiting in line for two hours,” I said.
    “That’s just awful,” said Bob Foster.
    But I thought I saw the corner of the alien’s disgusting, dripping mouth go up a little to form the hint of a smile.
    “What did Noah use so he could see in his ark?” I asked quickly.
    “WHAT?”
    “Floodlights,” I told him.
    A smile! There was definitely a smile creeping onto his disgusting, malodorous face.
    “What are the names of the little rivers that run into the Nile?” I asked.
    “I GIVE UP.”
    “The juveniles!” I said.
    “Look!” Punch yelled. “I think he’s laughing!”
    “I AM NOT!” hollered the alien.
    “Who invented fractions?” I asked.
    “WHO?”
    “Henry the One-Eighth,” I told him.
    Denny’s enormous, malodorous belly was jiggling now. He wiped away the tears from his filthy, sunken eyes. He was having a hard time controlling himself. All I needed was one more joke to put him away.
    “This walrus walks into a bar—”
    “STOP!” Dr. Denny hollered, “BRING OUT THE HOSTAGE!”
    The door to the spaceship opened once again with a whoosh . And standing there was the love of my life, the beautiful Tupper Camembert.

CHAPTER 12

    OH, YOU GOTTA READ THIS! IT’S ALL ABOUT DR. DENNY AND HIS DIABOLICALLY PREPOSTEROUS PLAN TO DESTROY THE WORLD.
    “Tupper!” I shouted.
    “Funny Boy!” Tupper shouted.
    “Tupper!”
    “Funny Boy!”
    “Tupper!”
    “Funny Boy!”
    “Will you two shut up already?” Bob Foster said. “You’re annoying.”
    Tupper was standing there in the spaceship door wrapped up like a mummy, except for her face, which was covered in tears.
    “I TRICKED YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND INTO COMING TO ME FOR A DENTAL APPOINTMENT,” said the alien. “DO YOU THINK THAT ’S FUNNY, FUNNY BOY?”
    “Let her go, Dr. Denny!” I shouted. “She never hurt anyone. Well, except for that time at school when she opened the door to her locker and it whacked me in the face.”
    “That was an accident!” said Tupper, sobbing.
    At that moment, on either side of Tupper, two other alien greaseballs emerged. They grabbed her roughly by the arms.
    “I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET MY DENTAL HYGIENISTS,” said Denny. “THEIR NAMES ARE HALITOSIS AND GINGIVITIS.”
    “GRRRRRRRRRRR,” said Halitosis. “KILL!”
    “RGGGGGGGGGG,” said Gingivitis. “DIE!”
    Oh great. Now I would have to deal with three