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humans can stuff their faces?”
    Christine is a vegetarian. She used to eat meat all the time. In fact, she was the fattest of all three of us. But that was before the Junior Band walk-a-thon two years ago.The school was trying to raise money for new instruments. Christine played the oboe. On the day of the walk, Christine called home. She was crying and said her thighs were rubbing together and that a boy walking behind her kept saying he smelled something burning. So my mom had to go and pick her up. When they got home, my mom made Christine put a bag of frozen peas between her legs.
    “Don’t you worry about those corduroys,” she said. “I can patch those holes good as new.”
    That night, Christine locked herself in the bedroom with her oboe. She played “Send in the Clowns” over and over until my mom said she either had to stop it or she would call the fire department to break down the door.
    When Christine finally did come out, she said, “I’m a vegetarian.”
    “That was the beginning of the end,” my mom always says.
    “Fish isn’t meat, Christine,” my dad sighed.
    “It’s meat, Dad.”
    “Why do you always have to be such a pain?” That came from Nancy, who was sitting on the sofa. She stuck her tongue right into the cream hole of her Ding Dong.
    “I’m sorry if having convictions makes me a ‘pain,’” Christine said. “But someone’s got to have some in this family.”
    Christine thinks she’s better than Nancy and I just because she’s thin and has opinions and works at Peoples Jewellers. When she got called for the job interview, you’d have thought she won the lottery or something.
    “This just proves it!” she said as she put the receiver down.
    “Proves what?” my mom asked.
    “That I’m adopted,” Christine said. She turned to my dad. “I’ll need a suit for the interview.”
    “You’re not adopted, Christine,” my dad said. “We’ve been over this a million times. And you’re not getting any more new clothes, either. You’ve got a whole closetful that are just fine.”
    “No they’re not!” Christine cried. “Everything I own is too casual. I don’t have any business attire at all.”
    ”Business attire?” my mom shrieked. “You’re applying for a part-time job at the mall!”
    “In case I didn’t make this clear, Mother, I’m interviewing with Peoples Jewellers. They sell diamonds.”
    My parents refused to buy Christine a new suit. Instead, she borrowed a pink jacket and white skirt from Mrs. LaFlamme. The day of her interview, she had so much lip gloss on, her mouth kept sliding all over the place.
    “Let me get the camera,” my mom said as she ran off down the hall.
    “I don’t have time,” Christine said, grabbing her purse. “My interview is in an hour.”
    “It only takes ten minutes to get to the mall,” my mom called back.
    “I need to get there early so I can go over my notes.”
    “Oh my god,” Nancy said. She had just gotten home from her shift at Tim Horton’s and was tearing open a bag of day-olds. “Don’t tell me you’re serious.”
    “You tell me the difference between a ruby and a garnet, Nancy. Then we’ll talk.”
    Christine’s been working at Peoples for six months now. She buys all of her own business attire, even though my parents tell her she should save her money. And none of us can visit her while she’s working.
    “No family members,” she said with a smile. “It’s a Peoples policy.”
    Christine got outvoted on the Conch Shell, so the day of my mom’s birthday, we all piled into the Granada, except for Nancy and André, who were meeting us there.
    “Well isn’t this a nice surprise,” my mom said when we told her. It sounded like she already knew. “Whose idea was this?”
    “Peter mentioned it,” my dad said.
    “Of course,” my mom turned to smile at me in the back seat, “always so thoughtful.”
    Christine gave me a jab in the ribs. She was still pretty upset about going and said the