her back to him as she opened the refrigerator door. âBut I didnât know when youâd come home, did I? Last night it was almost ten oâclock before you got here, and you never even called to tell me where you were.â
âWhere I was?â Scott sighed. âYou didnât know where I was? Where would I be except at work? Where am I ever except at work?â
Rachel felt the heat rise into her face. It seemed to radiate as the discouragement flowed from her. âWell, isnât that just the question? Youâre right. Where are you ever except at work? At least you say thatâs where you are.â
Her conscience stabbed at her. Why had she said that to him? She knew he was at work. He was a good man, a faithful man. But didnât he know she and the children deserved some time with him too?
Scott slapped both hands down on the kitchen counter. âWhat? You doubt that Iâm really at work? You think Iâm . . . what?â
âNo, no. Iâm sorry.â She ran her hand through her hair. âAll I mean isââ
âI have no clue what you mean when you say things like that. I just know what you said. And you implied I might be lying to you about working at night. Thatâs all I needed to hear.â Scott spun away from her. âDo whatever you like. Watch TV, whatever. Iâm going out and get some actual food, not another pizza, and maybe Iâll even get some salad with it.â He turned toward the hallway that led to the garage.
âScott, Iâm sorry. I didnât mean it.â She wanted to run after him, pull him back, but he was already gone. The garage door hummed as it raised and lowered. The glow from his headlights flickered across the window as he pulled the car out onto the road, back into the darkness.
âI really am sorry.â To the emptiness where her husband had stood just moments before she said, âI would have made you a salad.â
Helplessness rushed in, filling the void left by the outpouring of frustration, anger, and discouragement. She wanted to be a good wife to Scott, but where was he when she needed him? All day, every day, cooped up with the children. Never any relief. Didnât he understand at all what she was going through?
She wanted him to come home before dinnertime and take the two little ones out in the yard. Give her a break so she could work on getting a nice meal ready. She loved them with all her heart, but was there ever going to be any time for herself? From morning to night, from when they scrambled out of bed until she tucked the children under their covers, her day was consumed with taking care of them.
All she wanted was for Scott to come home and do his part. Other fathers came home. Why couldnât he?
CHAPTER FOUR
Discouragement
R achel waited up for Scott that night, but when he finally returned just before two oâclock in the morning, he went to bed without a word. Walked by her as if she did not exist. Where had he been? Had he seen someone else? Some other woman?
What did he expect from her? Heâd said he wanted a family. Well, sheâd given him a family. Sheâd given him everything he asked for, and never said No , never claimed she had a headache. She simply wanted him to walk in the door in the evening and show her it was worth it by his love. Why did she have to feel like this was her fault?
Sleep was a series of dreamless fits and starts, until finally Scott moved next to her in the bed. She opened her tired eyes to look at the alarm clock on the table. 6:10. Time to get up and make breakfast for her family. She closed her eyes for just a few minutes more. The next thing she knew, she could hear the sound of shower water. She hadnât even noticed when Scott got out of bed.
She pulled herself to her feet, put on her robe, and madeher way downstairs. In the kitchen she put on a pot of coffee and got out the skillet. Scott would like