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hurt.

    Jake clambered, scrambled, clawed and finally pulled his way to the chimney, where Pamela sat licking itself.
    â€˜Nice kitty,’ he said in his most soothing voice.
    Pamela batted Jake’s hand away as he reached for it.
    Next time he reached out, Pamela scratched his hand, to make sure he got the message.

    Jake pulled his hand back with a howl and lost his footing.
    He was scrambling now, his feet dislodging more tiles as he struggled to find his balance.
    At last Jake got a grip on the concrete around the chimney, and this time he didn’t hesitate.
    He grabbed a hold of Pamela, bundling the cat-monkey-parrot under his free arm.
    Pamela meowed, hissed and twisted until finally its entire body was wriggling free of Jake’s grasp.
    Its wings flapped furiously, sending feathers into Jake’s face.
    Its front cat-claws scratched, and it hissed and spat and bit with its cat-mouth.
    The monkey paws clawed and slapped and pulled until Jake couldn’t hold on any more … and Pamela burst free.

    Jake lost his footing again.
    There was nowhere for him to balance.
    He reached out and clung to the chimney, his body flat against the roof and his legs kicking behind him.
    In the way that old falling-down houses do, the chimney started to crack and crumble.
    Jake let out a scream for help.

    Uncle Fraser heard it first, the sound travelling down the chimney and into the living room, where he was busy preparing his next experiment.
    Of course he went outside to see who was calling. He might be able to help. (He was mad, but he wasn’t evil.)
    Derek heard Jake’s scream too.
    His eyes snapped into focus.
    He shook his head, slurped the drool back into his mouth and rushed forward to help his brother.

    Three things happened very quickly:
    First, the chimney broke free from its perch on the roof, sending bricks, concrete and Jake tumbling down.
    Second, Derek reached the front of the house just as his brother fell and a chimney-worth of bricks fell on top of him.
    Third, Uncle Fraser opened his front door to the sight of two brothers stuck under a pile of roof tiles, bricks and chimney pieces.

    One of the boys had a mangled spine and his arms were broken.
    The other brother’s legs were crooked and crushed.
    They were both unconscious.
    Looking at them, Uncle Fraser had an idea.
    The two brothers woke to the same feeling: a cat licking their toes.
    â€˜That tickles!’ Derek laughed, turning his head.
    His brother was lying beside him. He was laughing too.

    â€˜Stop!’ Jake pleaded between giggles. ‘Please!’
    He kicked his feet.
    The licking stopped and both boys sat up and looked at their feet.
    Pamela was crouched at the end of the bed, ready to pounce on their toes.

    Derek didn’t recognise his legs. Or his toes.
    â€˜Jake?’ he said, turning to his brother.

    Jake turned to face Derek at the same moment, and their noses touched.

    I can’t be certain which brother screamed first or for longest – my sources aren’t entirely reliable – but both boys screamed.
    And screamed.
    And screamed.

    They went on screaming until Uncle Fraser appeared in the room holding two cups.
    At the sight of Uncle Fraser, their screams got louder until neither brother could scream any more.
    Uncle Fraser handed them a cup each. Derek reached with his right hand and took one.
    Jake tried to use his right hand, only to find it already had a cup in it.
    Both brothers looked down at their body at the same time and the screaming began again.

    â€˜I’m sorry, boys,’ Uncle Fraser said, looking at Derek. ‘I could only save one body. Half of you …’
    â€“ he looked at Jake –
    â€˜And half of you .’
    â€˜But we’re …’ Derek started.
    â€˜â€¦ attached !’ Jake finished.
    â€˜We’ve been … Frankensteined ,’ Derek squealed.

    â€˜You could say that,’ said Uncle Fraser. ‘I thought I