Four Shades of Recovery: Boxed Set Read Online Free PDF

For instance one of her husbands, Tony, verbally and  physically abused me. She did nothing to stop him. I remember his rages for minor childhood mistakes on my part. Once I couldn’t find the dog food quickly enough. Tony cursed at me and called me a numbskull.”
     
    “That’s such an inappropriate way to treat a child,” she added. “Go on with your story Megan.”
     
    “Then Tony beat me often with a strap, his belt, when I admitted that I had no idea where different clothes or household items happened to be. This sort of thing wasn’t just a one-time event.”
     
    The image of Tony’s enraged face as he raised the belt to strike me sent chills down my spine as I recounted the tale.
     
    “Abby stood by and looked concerned but said very little. Tony intimidated her too. I hated both of them so much at the time.”
     
    Dr. Ginger nodded her head in sympathy and offered her insights. “You felt betrayed by your mother’s lack of loyalty to you. She gave him more support and power than you, even though you were first. You, as the child, were looking to the only adult you thought you could trust and she let you down.”
     
    I signal my agreement as the images keep coming. Then a better thought surfaces. “My mother did support me in the end, however, and that meant a lot. She chose me over Tony when the final straw happened.”
     
    “That’s encouraging. Then let’s hear it.”
     
    Dr. Ginger’s been after me to dredge up both the good and the bad dynamics from my childhood with Abby. It’s painful for me to recall it all.
     
    “During my teen years Tony hid in my bedroom closet and tried to watch me undress one evening. I hadn’t taken off all my clothes yet when I caught him. Luckily, I noticed that my closet door stood open in an unusual way. I pulled it open quickly and soon discovered Tony lurking in the front of the closet just behind my coats. His pants were pushed down and he was holding his erect penis. I screamed, called him a pervert and my mother came running. She demanded a divorce and he moved out very quickly after that fiasco.”
     
    I’m crying with anger and relief as I flash back to our time with Tony and how it finally ended.
     
    Dr. Ginger sounds hopeful. “Were you able to rebuild your relationship with Abby after Tony left then?”
     
    “Yeah somewhat. However Abby found another husband to replace Tony within the year. Whenever a new man entered her life I became secondary. It seemed strange to me that her trust and love could be transferred so quickly to a series of men she knew briefly. It always seemed wrong that our long-standing mother-child relationship took a back seat to her husbands. I became less important than they did when she’d known them only a few months.”
     
    “I can sympathize with how replaceable you felt around her relationships during your teenage years. Abby may have been emotionally and financially dependent upon the husbands though. Did she try to reassure you about her priorities?”
     
    “She may have said the words but I thought her actions betrayed those words,” I admitted. “Actions speak much louder than words in my view.”
     
    “Therefore in your own relationship, when Matt said the words ‘I love you’, you couldn’t trust them?” Dr. Ginger probed.
     
     “Yeah. I even found myself reliving the experience with Abby. I feared the sense of betrayal that often followed those claims of love.”
     
    “Did Matt ever give you any reason to think you could be replaced?”
     
    “Well, no, but I grew anxious because I was afraid that once I returned his love, Matt would become complacent. I thought he’d take me for granted. Perhaps I felt that he’d look for another conquest. I couldn’t bear to be replaced once again.”
     
    Dr. Ginger looks dismayed. “You left and never discussed these issues with Matt then? He had no idea that ‘love’ felt like a four letter word to you. Do you want to give ‘love’ another