Forgiveness Read Online Free PDF

paying attention and really ready to heal, the day will come when you recognize that forgiveness is the only way back to the center of your innocence. This is a very hard lesson that I was blessed to learn.
    It took four years to reach the point of crisis but only two minutes to drop me to my knees. I suspected for a long time that my granddaughter’s father regarded me with total contempt and rage. If the truth were to be told, I more than suspected—I knew. But I simply didn’t care. My only concern was my granddaughter, Gemmia’s baby girl. I sensed there was a power play at work between my granddaughter’s father and me. He was finally in control of something I wanted, and he was doing everything possible to demonstrate his power over me.
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    T HE DAY WILL COME WHEN YOU RECOGNIZE THAT FORGIVENESS IS THE ONLY WAY BACK …
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    He was withholding my granddaughter. I could see her only when he said so and only if I played by the rules he set. It didn’t matter that I called two or three times a week. He returned the calls when he was good and ready, which was usually every two weeks, or if her being with me was convenient for him. I played the game because I was afraid that if I stepped out of line, I would never get to see her. And I knew that being able to see her was far more important than flexing my muscles.
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    H EALING WAS AT HAND, WHICH MEANT FORGIVENESS WOULD BE REQUIRED .
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    Things reached the boiling point when he blocked his telephone—she could not call me, and whenever I called, it went straight to voice mail. Six weeks into this scenario, I started praying louder and harder, all day, every day. I wasn’t surprised—I was delighted —the day she called to ask if I could pick her up for the weekend. I wanted so much to see her and hold her that my immediate response was yes. I would work it out. I would come to get her in the morning.
    As soon as I hung up I recognized that the time had come for me to shift out of fear and into a new way of being— with him and for myself. Healing was at hand, which meant forgiveness would be required. I was willing to forgive him, or so I thought. I called back, got the voice mail, and left a message. I would not be picking my granddaughter up. Instead, I wanted to have a conversation about how we could move forward with less conflict. Five minutes later, he called me back. Two minutes into our conversation, he hung up on me, prompting me to drive to his house.
    I had one question I wanted to ask, “What do you want from me?” He had been waiting four years to give me that answer, which he did in a very hushed tone through clenched teeth. I’m not sure what he said, but I was clear that he was hissing at me. It was a warm September day, so I’m not sure why there was a snow shovel on his porch, but there it was, bright and shiny, making itself known to me.
    Before I knew what was happening, I had the shovel in my hands and my arms raised up in the air. I was going after him with a vengeance that scared me. Thank God he had the good sense to step backward into his house. As the front door slammed shut in my face, I heard, “Don’t you move! Do not make another move! This is what he needs to prove his point. This will destroy your life.”
    I was stunned. I admit that I have played many roles and been many things in my life, but behaving violently is not a hat I have worn. Then again, this day was different. I had an overwhelming need, urge, and/or desire to beat the hell out of something. And after he hissed at me, this man would do just fine. I am grateful that I had equally strong spiritual grounding that let me know I could make another choice.
    I dropped the shovel, feeling totally dazed and disoriented. When he opened the door again, the same inner guidance that had adverted the previous potential disaster gave me the next instruction: “Don’t you open your mouth! Turn around and walk away.” I was obedient. Now he was coming after me. I never