Forgive Me Read Online Free PDF

my thighs he drives into me hard and my back scrapes on the bed of the truck. He pauses, still breathing heavy, and waits for me to say something, but I can’t speak. My tongue is only good for touching now. I part my lips and breathe to regain some control.
    “Again,” I demand, and brace myself. He comes again, and again I feel alive. Jason starts a rhythm I can barely tolerate. I’m arching my back and matching his thrusts, my body trying to protect itself and lose itself at the same time. I can see the clouds blackening the clearing. His hands are on the tops of my thighs and he pulls me toward him, maximizing each movement. I want to touch his chest, his face, and try to move my arms, but he slows and puts my arms back at my side.
    I won’t move again.
    He cannot slow down again or I’ll lose my grasp on the world and float up to the clouds. The dark, dismal clouds. He places one hand on my thigh and the other around my neck. He picks up his pace and I cannot hold on to myself. The clouds advance and I feel him one last time before I crumble around him, arching, moaning, and shivering as he continues his rhythm that is breaking me.
    I whisper, “Jason,” and he surrenders, letting go of my neck and falling on top of me.
    And I cry.
    At first only a few errant tears, but it evolves into deep sobs I can’t control. He pulls my dress onto my shoulders and lifts me into his lap. Jason is silent as he holds me close, willing the pieces of me back together. I quiet the deluge and concentrate on his bare chest touching my face.
    “Happy is the dead the rain rains upon,” he says as he rocks me back and forth. The rain comes hard from the start and he carries me to the passenger door, placing me on the seat.
    It’s the most I’ve felt in three days.
    *  *  *
    Jason puts the truck in drive and pulls out of Stoners Lane. I try to stop crying, but I can’t. I inhale deeply, which causes the sobs to catch in my throat. Jason looks at me, confirming I don’t need the Heimlich before pulling onto Auburn Road. He reaches across the seat and takes my hand. His huge, rough hand feels familiar covering my own. I look out the window, but the rain is coming harder now. The windshield wipers are barely keeping up and I question where we’re going and why we needed to leave Stoners. The only thing I’m sure of is he’s not taking me back. We’re heading in the opposite direction from home.
    He pulls into the McDonald’s parking lot and parks near the back of the lot. The sound of the engine cutting makes me cry harder.
    “Are you okay?” he asks, with an uncharacteristically gentle voice. Even Jason Leer is being careful with me. I must be on the verge of something quite terrifying to everyone around me. His question makes me laugh and I pull my hand away and use it to wipe the tears from my face.
    “No. I’m not okay,” I begin slowly, but without calculation. “I’m crying in the McDonald’s parking lot, with my friend, who I just fucked.” At this his eyebrows raise. “At Stoners Lane, instead of mourning with my family at my parents’ funeral luncheon. I would say I am definitely not okay.” I have no idea why I’m clenching my jaw. What is it about Jason Leer that makes me want to hit him? And why didn’t I just hit him at Stoners?
    “I’m sure this is normal,” he tries, and I blink my eyes in disbelief.
    “Really? You think this is normal?” I’m at the edge of the cliff called Hysterical and looking down. “Is it normal to leave my brother and one hundred and fifty family and friends to bang some guy in the dress I buried my parents in?”
    “‘Some guy’ seems a little harsh.” He’s laughing under his breath.
    “Is it normal to have your first orgasm during said banging?” I now have Jason’s full attention; the laughter gone. “And most disturbing of all, is it normal that I just told you that?” I am now screaming at him…in the McDonalds parking lot. Shut up,