Fat Louie at my side (he proved to be such an excellent writing cat) and wrote.
I mean, thatâs why I didnât keep up with my journal, oranything, not for almost two whole years. Itâs hard, when youâre really concentrating on a creative project, to keep your mind on anything else.
Or at least it was for me.
Which, in a way, I guess, was why Dr. K suggested it. That I write a book. To get my mind offâ¦well, other things.
Or other people.
And it wasnât like I had anything else to do, since my parents took away my TV, and it was really hard to watch my shows out in the living room. Itâs kind of embarrassing to veg out in front of Too Young to Be So Fat: The Shocking Truth when people know youâre watching it.
Anyway, writing my book was great therapy, because it really worked. I didnât feel like writing in my journal once while I was writing and researching it. Everything just went into Ransom My Heart .
Now that the bookâs done, of course (and getting rejected everywhere), I suddenly find myself wanting to write in my journal again.
Is that a good thing? I donât know. Sometimes I think maybe I should write another book instead.
So Iâm just saying I understand J.P.âs preoccupation with his play.
The thing is, unlike me, J.P. has a solid chance of actually getting Prince produced, at least off-Broadway, because his dad is such a mover and shaker in the theater world, and all.
And Stacey Cheeseman has done all those Gap Kids commercials, and had that part in that Sean Penn movie. J.P.âs even got Andrew Lowenstein, Brad Pittâs thirdcousinâs nephew, playing the part of the male lead. The thing is bound to be HUGE. I hear, from people whoâve seen it, it might even have Hollywood potential.
But, back to the whole prom thing: Itâs not like I donât know J.P. loves me. He tells me so, like, ten times a dayâ
Oh, God, I forgot how annoyed everyone gets when I start writing in my journal instead of paying attention to whatâs going on. Lana is making me try on a strapless Badgley Mischka now.
Look, I get the fashion thing now. I do. How you look on the outside is a reflection of how you feel about yourself on the inside. If you let yourself goânot washing your hair, wearing the same clothes you slept in all day or clothes that donât fit or are out of styleâthat says, âI do not care about myself. And you shouldnât care about me either.â
You have to Make An Effort, because that says to other people I Am Worth Getting To Know. Your clothes donât have to be expensive . You just have to look good in them.
I realize that now, and acknowledge that in the past, I may have slacked off in that area (although I still wear my overalls at home on the weekends when no one is around).
And since Iâve stopped binge eating, my weight has stopped fluctuating, and Iâm back down to a B cup.
So I get the fashion thing. I do.
But honestlyâwhy does Lana think I look good in purple? Just because itâs the color of royalty doesnât mean it looks good on every royal! Not to be mean, but has anyone taken a good look at Queen Elizabeth lately? She so needs neutral colors.
An excerpt from Ransom My Heart by Daphne Delacroix
Shropshire, England, 1291
Hugo stared down at the lovely apparition swimming naked below him, his thoughts a jumble in his head. Foremost amongst them was the question, Who is she?, though he knew the answer to that. Finnula Crais, the millerâs daughter. There had been a family of that name in villenage to his father, Hugo remembered.
This, then, must be one of their offspring. But what was this miller about, allowing a defenseless maid to roam the countryside unescorted and dressed in such provocative garbâor completely undressed, as the case now stood?
As soon as Hugo arrived at Stephensgate Manor, he would send for the miller, and see to it that the girl was