Forever in Blue Read Online Free PDF Page A

the back of his monitor.
    “What have you been taking this semester? Did you do the wildlife class?”
    He continued to fumble. He looked at her once, wishfully.
    “Hey, Perry?”
    “Yeah. Oh, sorry,” he said. He left the computer alone. “I’ve actually been taking time off this semester.” He spoke to the arm of his chair.
    “What?”
    “Yeah. I haven’t been taking classes this semester.”
    “Why not?”
    His look was blank. He wasn’t used to having to answer questions. He wasn’t used to having to present his life or explain his decisions.
    “What did Dad say?” she asked.
    “Dad?”
    “Yeah.”
    “We didn’t really discuss it.”
    “You didn’t really discuss it.” She was talking a little too quickly, a little too loudly. Perry made a face like his ears hurt.
    “Does he know?”
    Perry’s eyes would not engage. She felt as if she were speaking over a PA system rather than specifically to him.
    She didn’t care if he wouldn’t look at her. She made herself look at him. She wanted to see him through objective eyes.
    His hair had always been darker than hers, and now it had turned completely brown, probably accelerated by his staying inside all the time. He had untended fuzz on his upper lip, but otherwise he looked as though he had barely entered puberty. She glanced away, a churning feeling in her chest.
    He was so slight and she so tall it was a wonder they were related, let alone twins. But then, maybe it wasn’t a wonder at all. Maybe it was part of the harsh duality of being born together. What one got, the other didn’t. And Bridget had always been strong. She couldn’t help picturing them stowed together in her mother’s stomach, taking what resources they could.
    It was the zero-sum problem with twins. If one was smart, the other felt dumb. If one was bossy, the other was meek. The equation was too easy.
    Bridget knew she’d always taken more than her fair share. But was it her job to stay small to encourage him to be big? If she withdrew, would he come forward? Was it her fault he had come out this way?
    “I guess Dad knows,” Perry finally answered.
    She stood up. She felt frustrated. What was Perry doing if not going to school? He didn’t have a job. Did he have any friends? Did he ever leave his room?
    “I’ll see you later,” she said tightly.
    “You could ask him,” he said.
    She turned around. “Ask who?”
    “Dad.”
    “About what?”
    “About the toothbrush.”
    Lena didn’t feel lonely easily. Somehow, knowing she had friends was enough to keep her happy. She didn’t actually have to talk with them or see them all the time. It was like other things: So long as she had an aspirin in the cabinet, she didn’t really need to take one. So long as the toilet was readily available, she could wait until the last second to use it. As long as the basic resources existed for her, her needs were small.
    She thought of this on the first day of her summer painting class. The instructor was new to her, the monitor was new. The students were unfamiliar. She was using a new kind of brush. She would probably like these things once she got used to them.
    And in the meantime, Tibby and Carmen were on the other end of her cell phone. The Traveling Pants would come her way soon. Annik, her former teacher, was available for art-related crises, even the little ones. Her old kind of brush was sitting there at the ready, just in case. These were the things that made her bold.
    But did it count as boldness when she kept herself so covered?
    “Up there. There’s a space,” she heard the instructor, Robert, saying to a late arrival. Lena’s main hope for the other students was not that they provide friendship or commiseration. It was that they not set up too close to her and obstruct her sight lines. She tensed up as the new person came closer and relaxed again when he/she passed behind her and kept on going to the far side of the studio. Potential threat averted. She didn’t need