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muttering aloud to myself. I glanced around, thankful I was alone because I sounded like a nut. 
    I played it out in my head: "I'm sorry for what I said. You look beautiful. You've always been the most beautiful girl I've known. I love you, Ryley Anne Reynolds, and I always will. I'm sorry for changing and not letting you help me when I was hurting and needed you most but pushed you away the hardest."
    I had it down, I knew it'd at least put a smile on her face. Was I certain she'd forgive me? No. But that was when I was prepared to beg because I was certain no girl would ever fill Ryley's shoes. It shouldn't have been what I was thinking about: love, Ryley, begging for her forgiveness, but I'd thought about all these things since the day I figured out what being in love was. 
    My grandma didn't call me the romantic one anymore, she called me the sad one and I was okay with that because the day I found out what romantic meant, I was pissed. I didn't want to be that kind of guy, I wanted to be more like Gage, but I couldn't. I could never be as hardened about my feelings as Gage. Maybe it was just inside me and always would be, or maybe it was Ryley that made me want to be that way, either way, Ryley was the only girl I wanted to use it on. 
    I didn't knock, I didn't need to, there was a party going on. My party, our party, the party that Ryley went through a lot of work to throw for me and her. God, I was an asshole for what I said to her. In my sweaty palm I clutched the pieces to fix her bracelet and I walked into a quiet house. There were still balloons and Solo cups lying around. Chips were in bowls, streamers hung from the ceiling. Ryley's favorite song, Light Years by Morgan Page, was quietly coming from the stereo in the living room. I couldn't tell you how many times I'd heard that song and how many times she'd begged me to listen to the lyrics. I listened to them, but I never told her that. I didn't want to admit I knew she thought I should dedicate that song to her. And I should have. 
    It was obvious the party was over or moved outside, but I hadn't heard anyone outside when I was crossing my yard. I headed toward the back door to check just in case. That was when I heard Ryley cry out in what I thought was pain. I spun so fast that I slipped, but I didn't stop running until I was up those stairs. I opened my mouth to shout her name, to let her know I was coming, but another sound stopped me, and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I halted so abruptly the momentum almost threw me to the ground. The noises I heard would have registered if I were in any other situation, but that was the last thing I expected to stumble upon at Ryley's, and even hearing the proof, I still couldn't believe it. It couldn't have been Ryley and I stupidly went to her door to check. The door was open a wide enough crack that I could see that it was in fact Ryley, naked, and underneath my brother. The two people I trusted most in the world were betraying me. Heat flooded my face and I clenched my fists around the items in my hands. It became obvious she lied when she said she was still a virgin. Not that I cared because she was lying to Jenny, but I wondered who took her virginity. I also wondered if what I was witnessing was her first time with Gage, or if they'd been going behind my back for a while. I knew it wasn't Gage that took her virginity because if he ever slept with a virgin he would have told me. Even if it were Ryley, he would have left her name out and just told me he got with a virgin. 
      "Does it hurt?" I heard him ask her. 
      "A little," she replied. 
      "It won't hurt next time. I popped your cherry." 
    The fucking ceiling felt like it fell in on me. I started stumbling backwards and before I rolled down the stairs, I spun and bolted, skipping at least eight of the twelve steps. I didn't even know if I closed the front door, I just started to run. I ran all the way to the pond and when I got there I didn't want