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in, smiled and kissed my cheek.
An involuntary sob welled up in my throat and water pooled in my
eyes. He backed away, rubbing a hand over his mess of dark
hair.
    The ice queen he married shortly followed
lighting up his blue eyes in her wake. Through my tears, I studied
her closely. My mom’s brown hair had glints of gold, her hazel eyes
were warm and inviting, her skin - when she hadn’t been ill - was
the color of a golden tan that she maintained without the sun. She
was a vision. His new wife did not compare.
    Dad attempted to fuse us together. “How
about dinner and a movie tonight?”
    Plans were made, as if I could overcome what
had happened between us and become a part of his newly blended
family.
     
    When I came out of the bathroom at Del Taco,
I saw the back of someone’s dark head talking to my dad. I froze as
I met Tanner’s eyes.
    He rose. “Hi Hanna,” Tanner greeted me.
    I hesitated then managed to reply, “Hi.”
    The booth was a half moon. I slid into the
spot next to Lainey. Tanner followed on the outside.
    “What dorm did you sign up for?” I realized
Lainey was talking to Tanner, amiably.
    “I haven’t yet.” She was smiling the look of
an interested girl as he answered. Tanner seemed to magnetize my
enemies. “We put in for the same co-ed one. Different floors of
course.” He squeezed my shoulder.
    I watched Tanner look across the room. My
stomach churned in a horrible way not due to bad Mexican food. Two
lecherous smiles were aimed in my direction, without batting an eye
I pushed Tanner towards them. “I think your friends are trying to
get your attention.”

    Tanner
    Hanna…something was off with her. Something
besides her catching me having dinner with two guys she hated,
Didge and Benny.
    “Who was that with Hanna?” Didge asked.
    “Her stepsister.”
    “Hot.”
    “Not even close to as smokin’ as Hanna,
though,” Benny spoke the words I should have.
    “Yep, I bet there are guys lined up at her
new school waiting to get with your girlfriend,” Didge joked.
    I clammed up on that one. Blind, I was not.
I saw the same girl they did, but I was the only one with
privileges. I knew damn well I was the only one.
     
The summer before sophomore year.
    Like so many times before I’d climbed up the
trellis on her house to talk. That particular night Hanna had snuck
some bottled booze from her parent’s stash. She had two, I guzzled
three. We had been talking – about school, Trevor, my parents -
when we grew silent listening to an argument between her own.
    “Why don’t you want me?”
    “I do. It’s just I’m tired.” Her dad’s voice
deepened.
    “You’ve been tired for two months.”
    “Well, nagging me about sex doesn’t exactly
turn me on.”
    “I’m in remission. I finally feel good about
myself. I just think it’s odd that you don’t want what most other
men want.”
    We could hear him sigh.
    When her mom spoke again, it sounded
strangled, definitely like she was crying, “It seems to happen
every five years. The first time it was that incident when I found
that secret credit card you were using to dial 900 numbers for sex
talk. The second time you hooked up with that woman you worked
with.”
    “I did not.” His tone of offense sounded
false.
    “The counselor even said that men do not
whisper and laugh late into the night on phone conversations that
are innocent.”
    “I develop a platonic relationship with a
female work buddy and you get all insecure.”
    “She fucking told me you were like her work
husband. Women don’t say shit like that to the wife of a guy she
secretly calls in the dark.”
    Hanna’s mom rarely swore, at least not
around us. I felt Hanna stiffen in bed beside me. I wanted to crawl
away, take her with me and not let her dysfunctional parents ruin
our innocence. Trapped in bed with the girl I wanted to be my
girlfriend. I stayed put.
    “So who is she?”
    “Who?”
    “The woman this time.”
    “I think your meds are making