Five Odd Honors Read Online Free PDF

recover.
    Or perhaps to delay her
, he thought,
before she must speak of my own shameful behavior.
    “My Hua,” Nine Ducks continued. “The male Exiles did not face the problems the females did, for a man may father a child long after a woman’s days for bearing have passed. You, Loyal Wind, took the easiest course, associating yourself with several women of easy virtue, women who could be bought or who were bored enough to smile upon the advances of a not unhandsome face.
    “Your reasons for pursuing your duty in such a detached manner were not without merit. You sought not to give your heart to another, because your heart was already taken by Water Cloud, our Rooster. You and your beloved could not risk bearing a child together, lest the route of the Branches become confused, but I believe you thought that once the route of inheritance was secured, you could again become lovers.”
    Loyal Wind could not bear this dry narration of his pain. His own voice came harsh and rough from his throat when he spoke.
    “Yes. I loved Water Cloud. I thought she loved me. She had said she did, but her manner of fulfilling her own obligation to provide an heir made me doubt. I had thought she might follow in your course, and adopt a deserving Chinese child. At worst, I thought she might wait until her body was ripe and offer herself anonymously to some man. I did not think she would go so far as to prostitute herself to one of our enemies.”
    Nine Ducks leaned forward in her chair and patted his hand. “Perhaps, Water Cloud, the Rooster, already realized what was being murmured about my Hua, how Hua bore no blood-tie to the Lands, and that this would not only prevent her from returning, but also would prevent the rest of us as well. Perhaps Water Cloud sought to strengthen our tie to the Lands, giving her heir both father and mother who carried the link.
    “Whatever Water Cloud’s reason, you did not react in a reasonable fashion. Instead, when you knew what she had done, and that she carried a child who all the auguries showed would inherit her affiliation, you sought . . .”
    Nine Ducks looked directly at Loyal Wind, her old eyes compassionate. “To me, at least, your reasons for acting as you did have always been as murky as were those of your lady love. You sought out your rival, but did so in such a fashion that—despite being our war leader—your own death was almost assured. Did you seek his death or your own?”
    “My own,” Loyal Wind said, his breath coming in a rough rasp. “I can no longer deny it. My own. I could not face a future where even if Water Cloud and I were free to be lovers, I would be forced to face that the child she dandled was the child of my enemy, that the child I would teach as my heir was the lightly gotten work of a sordid night. The future was black in my eyes, and so I sought an ending.”
    Nine Ducks nodded. “And found only an eternity of exile, for the wheel seems stalled for those of us from the Lands, stalled until we can resolve matters we set awry.”
    Loyal Wind looked sharply at the older woman. It seemed to him that her words referred to something more than merely the exile of the Thirteen Orphans from the Lands Born from Smoke and Sacrifice. He considered asking, but, fearing that his own cowardly desire to avoid learning how his suicide had played a part in the corruption of Thundering Heaven was behind the thought, he did not.
    That can wait
, he thought.
If we do not assemble the Twelve Exiles once more, we cannot take any step toward setting matters right.
    Aloud, he said, “You brought up my actions in light of how they shaped Thundering Heaven. Come to the point. What I did was long ago, and is fixed in time.”
    Nine Ducks agreed. “That is so. Thundering Heaven was the one who found your body. As he carried its broken length back to our camp so that the proper rites might be performed, I suspect he contemplated our changed situation.
    “Here we were, but five years