Finding Me Read Online Free PDF Page B

room and lay in bed for an immeasurable amount of time, listening to the crickets chirp outside my window. Their melodic song bounced off the walls. Their hymn lulled my thoughts.
    Finally, my eyelids slipped shut. I welcomed sleep.
    When I woke, it was still dark inside my room. But outside, my open curtains showed a full moon. I wanted to be in mourning. I should be bawling right now.
    I was scared more than anything else. How could I have a vision of him dead and then he’s found that way? But not just dead – murdered, just like I saw. I rubbed my hands across my throbbing temple.
    “Chloe, Chloe…” My mother and father tapped at my door. I was certain they were here to prep me for the media blitz that would ensue. “Can we come in?” Mother asked. But she was already in the room.
    I tried to stay my emotions. When they both talked to me, I always lost it. Their talks were like an unfair wrestling match where two people are wrestling, but then a third wrestler comes to help his buddy. This was an uneven fight from the jump – my parents versus me. I was about to get belted in the gut by my mother and hit over the head with a chair by my dad. I took a deep breath and turned over to gaze up at them. “Yes,” I answered. Oh God!
     

Chapter 6
    My mother came to sit beside me on the bed. Her eyes were hard steel. Her cheekbones, set high, accented her harsh appearance, and her jaw was locked in place. I knew she didn’t want to do this anymore than I did. She drew me in for an embrace. I hadn’t felt the sting of her arms in months – maybe a year.
    “I am sorry about Zack,” she said. “We could not believe it when we learned what happened. Are you holding up?” She shifted out of our awkward embrace to stare at me. As our eyes met, my spine broke and my brain rattled aimlessly in my skull. She had that effect on me.
    “I’m fine,” I lied. The outline of tears ready to spill alerted her to the truth. But she ignored them. My dad cleared his throat. My mother dropped her arms and allowed him to take her place.
    “Hey, Bops. I know this is hard for you. Do you want to talk about it?” His eyes were an endless ocean of blue. He sat on the bed and pulled me to his side. His large arms cocooned me in a warm embrace. He hadn’t done this in years. More than Mother or Matt, he tried to understand me. He made his attempts, although they were fewer the past couple of years. But this – in spite of the situation – felt good .
    Once his current position with the Senate began, our long talks, at least once a week, had dissipated. Those talks had been replaced by a, “How’s it going, kid?” as he marched out the front door. I guess he felt he’d performed his fatherly duty. I tried not to take it personally. But it was my life. Everything in it was personal.
    “I’m fine, Dad.” I swallowed hard to choke back my tears.
    “Bops, your mother and I have been busy, but we do love you. We want you to come to us if you’re hurting or need to talk – no matter where we are.” He held my face in his hands and peered down at me. The little girl in me broke. The floodgates opened and showed no signs of stopping.
    I grabbed him and buried my face in his crisp white linen shirt. I sobbed for the longest time before I heard him chuckle. My head snapped up. Really? What could be funny at this precise moment?
    My mother sat next to him and leafed through a family album I had on my desk. It contained photos of the four of us on a family vacation to Lake Tahoe. Many years ago. I loved photographs because they were the only story available, other than our memories, that corroborated what we had once been: a loving family. Plus, a photo was tangible, real. It couldn’t lie to you. For that reason, I had countless.
    I forced a strangled smile, remembering how much fun it had been. That had been our last family vacation. Everyone and everything changed after that trip. Mother had made partner at the firm and Dad had