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alright, and then you walk in here
with your puppy dog eyes and your ‘Hey Bas.’ like I’m just supposed to
accept that and go on like this hasn’t been the most awful three years of my
life.”
               
“Don’t you think you’re being just a little dramatic Bas?”
               
“Are you serious right now?”
                “Yeah. I know you worried, and I’m sorry for that, but
you’re life couldn’t have been that awful while I was gone. You’re doing so
well in school, I saw you made the Dean’s list every semester and you’ve been
tearing it up on the Lacrosse team, I’m so proud of you Bas. I heard you‘ve
even got a serious girlfriend.”
               
“Oh so you got to check up on me, but you didn’t think I deserved to even know
where you were. Well you don’t know shit Jazz. I had to throw myself into
school and Lacrosse to stop myself from spending every damn minute worrying
about my best friend. You know how many times Chris or my Dad had to talk me
down from just saying screw it all and taking off to look for you? I didn’t
have a damn clue where to even start. They can tell you what a grade a jackass and
moody bastard I was for the entire first year you were gone.
    “So much happened Jazz, and you were supposed to be
here for it. You were supposed to be there on move in day at the dorms, and you
should have been there when I failed my first exam and thought I was going to
have to change my major because there was no way I was cut out for it, and you
should have been in those fucking stands screaming your head off every time I
scored on the field. But you weren’t. You weren’t here. You were God knows where.”
He wasn’t holding anything back, and I could finally see the depth of betrayal
he felt.
               
“Oregon.” I muttered.
               
“What?”
               
“I was in Oregon. Well I was in a lot of places at first but I ended up in
Portland and that’s where I was for most of the time.” I knew it didn’t count
for much now. It was a little late, but I just needed him to stop so I could
figure out where to start my apology and how to explain the choices I made; why
I had to do it the way I did.
               
My feeble proclamation seemed to have the desired effect. Residual indignation
burned in his eyes, but he was attempting to reign in his temper. More than
anything his expression was on of exasperation.
               
“Please just tell me. Make me understand how you could do that to me, to all of
us who care about you. You know I wasn’t the only you left behind, Vi was pretty torn up too. So how could you leave us waiting for you to show up
at that party while you snuck out town like you were fleeing hell?”
               
“I was.” He frowned.
               
“What do you mean?”
               
“I was fleeing hell, Bas. My life had been hell for a long time.”
               
“I know sperm donor’s place was bad,” He had always refused to refer to Jack as
my dad, and he was right, he wasn’t much of a father at all. “But you were
practically living with us after . . .” Yeah we both knew all about the
‘after’.
               
“You say you know, but Bas, really you don’t. It wasn’t just my dad or Connor.
It was everything, I couldn’t hardly breathe. I think
it had been that way since the day my mom died and it just got worse until I
was suffocating. I never grieved her. After her funeral I was so scared, I
didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I just buried everything down to
deal with later . Only later never came. I was
twelve years old and had to process going from a loving home with my mother to
that group housing. For two months I was just a case number while they tried to
figure out who my father was. Then going to live with him; the man I had
despised my entire life, who had