recently with people whoâd been infectedâwell, technically, people in whom the Kellis-Amberlee virus was amplifying, which just so happened to make them technically dead in the eyes of the lawâmaxing out their cash withdrawals at as many ATMs as they could before they fully turned. That way they could pay someone to put them down rather than calling in a police executioner or notifying the CDC. It was an understandable decision. I thought it might be quite nice to be shot by someone who would tell me they were sorry before they pulled the trigger. But once someoneâs dead, theyâre not supposed to be making withdrawals, and the banks were starting to get pissy about it. Hence the additional blood tests now impacting the middle class. If you were poor, they figured you didnât have enough for them to give a damn about, and if you were rich, you could buy a few less needle pricks in your lifetime. Only a few. We wouldnât want to start seeming
humane
, now, would we?
I was waiting at the gate when Ben came over to join me. âAll sorted?â he asked.
âAll sorted,â I replied, holding our parking ticket up for him to see. I liked that it was still paper, a prehistoric artifact in a world of apps and plastic and everything digital. I had a collection of folded paper animals made from parking tickets gathered in garages from Galway to San Francisco. It was like a souvenir that didnât cost me anythingâwell, didnât cost me anything
more
, anywayâand that was a miracle all on its own. âWhat took you so long?â
âThe driver knew weâd been there during the outbreak, wanted to know if we had any thoughts on how it might have started.â The parking garage proper had two doors, one for the driver, one for the passengers. Ben took up his position on the driverâs side. As a passenger, my test results would clear meâor notâa few seconds behind him. That way, if I was infected and he wasnât, heâd be able to get to the car. Forget âwomen and children firstâ: Like most security systems, the garage just wanted to know that we were going to get our car out of their precious parking space before we were eaten.
âAnd what did you say?â
âI gave him my URL, told him to swing by later tonight for more details.â Ben turned his head just enough for me to see the bright slash of his smile as he brought his thumb down on the testing pad. âNothing like driving those ratings a little bit higher when you have the chance, huh?â
âYouâre the one who understands the bloody system,â I said. âI just point and click and go where Iâm told.â
âThe day you go where youâre told is the day I join the priesthood, because clearly there has been a divine intervention.â The door clicked as Benâs blood test came through clean. âSee you on the other side, trashmouth.â
âNot if I see you first,â I said. He stepped through, and he was gone.
The testing panel hummed softly as it cycled, presenting me with a clean surface to press my thumb against. Thereâd been some sort of problem with the systems that did the cleaning about oh, five or six years ago, which had resulted in a whole bunch of people being infected. The company that made the cleaning systems went out of business, the families of the dead sued the government for a truly staggering amount of money, and all parties involved hushed it up as much as they possibly could. Even the braver reporters I knew had stayed away from
that
story. It was a one-time manufacturing glitch; it happened because sometimes bad things happen in the world; destroying peopleâs ability to trust the protocols that kept them safe was only going to lead to worse down the road. The party line was good because it was true, and all the Newsies had stayed quiet, and all the Irwins had followed their lead.
Sometimes I