Fat Assassins Read Online Free PDF Page A

ain’t a-no-way I was-a-gonna let Billy use deadly force without me. I mean, we could get awards for apprehending such a dangerous criminal. You think they’re gonna give us a key to the city? Cause I always wanted one of them big keys! I’d put it on a necklace and wear it around like Flava-Flav. Hotties can’t resist the bling!” 
    Minnie turned completely red and her body started convulsing like she was about to internally combust. 
    A raspy guffaw escaped my lungs. 
    She turned her radiating, bloodshot eyes on me. 
    “YOU’VE created quite a problem, Shasta.” She took a menacing step towards me. “If you go quietly, we won’t press charges for your slander.” 
    That’s the best career advice you’ve ever given me. 
     
    I was massaging creme onto my taser burn marks and staring at the winning lottery ticket when Ulyssa got home from work. She didn’t usually work weekends, but the construction company is under the gun to finish a big government project.
    Government contracts have been a mainstay in the Nitro economy since the government built a large ammunition factory here during World War I. The effort didn’t do much for the community, except inspire the town name, because the first shipment of gunpowder was its last. When the war ended, the government moved out and chemical companies seized the opportunity to use the facilities for manufacturing. Now we have a chemical valley in Nitro. Eventually, the Environmental Protection Agency started cleaning up the valley. 
    Miller’s was one of the construction companies selected to support the EPA contract and Ulyssa helped draft the proposals for an initiative to reduce the environmental ‘footprint’ of the region. Nobody in town knows what an environmental ‘footprint’ is, but they do know it means high dollar contracts and lots of work. 
    It looked like the long hours were wearing on Ulyssa when she came in, rubbing her temples. She dropped her purse on the table and sank down into the other end of the couch with a big sigh. 
    “I got fired!” We both exclaimed at the same time. 
    “You too?” We started laughing and crying. 
     
    It took forever to regain our composure enough for me to finish explaining what happened at Wal-Mart. 
    “You can’t be serious!” she said, shaking her head.
    I pulled my sweatpants down over my hip so she could see the taser burns.
    “OMG! Are you okay? You should sue their asses! That’s illegal!” 
    “It’s still sore, but I’m okay. I could probably sue them, but I reckon they could probably counter sue me for slander. I’m sure nobody will be buying produce there for a while.” I smiled, imagining Billy Ray trying to explain the sudden profit losses to corporate. “So, what happened with your job?”
    “Rick’s wife, Sheila, started getting suspicious because he’s been working all these weekends. So, she started snooping around and found extra sets of utensils in his glovebox. You know how he likes to steal the utensils from Outback steakhouse....says he can’t find knifes like that anywhere else . . . anyway . . . so she found six sets. They hadn’t been to Outback in a long time and the even number of sets made her even more suspicious, so she bought one of them lint rollers and ran it over his truck seats. I still can’t decide if she’s smart or crazy, but she found a bunch of long, dark hairs. So, she confronted Rick with her ‘forensic’ evidence last night. And he told her he’d been having an affair with me!”
    I exhaled and stared at her while the question hung in the hair. 
    “Of course, I’m not having an affair with him! You know I don’t mess around with married men. I believe in karma and that kinda stuff will come back around to you later. He didn’t want to tell her he’d been seeing, Emma, Salvo’s wife. You saw them last night, there’s no doubt that he’s alley cat’ing it with her.”
    “He’s a coward!” I said, in her defense. 
    “Can’t