Fallout Read Online Free PDF Page A

him
    seeing my naked body? “Never.”
Whether it’s the tone of my
voice or the look on my face,
he grins. First time for everything.
    The sheets are a mess, and I
    am compelled to strip them
    immediately. Hope OxyClean
    can handle it. Meanwhile,
    Bryce has started the shower.
    By the time I get there,
    the bathroom is rain-forest
    steamy. We step into the shower
    together. Hot water streams
    over my bruised, used body.
Bryce picks up the soap.
You wash my back and I’ll
wash yours. He washes more
    than my back. And I do
    the same for him. It’s all so
    decadent, all so someone
    other than me. I’d call it fairy-tale,
    but it’s more like pornography.
Would you look at that! It’s
ready for more already.
You are some kind of magician.
    I’m not sure how long it usually
    takes for it to get ready again,
    but it definitely is. I don’t think
    magic has anything to do with
    it. Just a good lather rub. And me.

THE SECOND TIME
    Is better than the first. Does
    it just keep getting better?
    This is probably not the time
    to try and find out. Peaks of
    afternoon have worn down toward
    soft hills of evening. “Guess you’d
    better go soon,” I say, wishing
    he could stay here forever.
Bryce finishes dressing. Okay.
I’ll go. But only under protest.
    He always says the right thing.
    “Can we get together tomorrow?”
He smiles. Can’t get enough
of me? Well, the feeling is mutual.
    Promise infuses the day’s last kiss.
    That makes it the best one yet.

I AM LOADING
    My sheets into the washer
when a little voice nags,
Uh. Hello? Nice time and
all, but I think you forgot
something kind of important.
    Something important, like
protection. You know, birth
control. You can get pregnant
the first time, remember?
Or maybe that’s what you want?
    Why on earth would I want
to get pregnant? Maybe as
a way to keep Bryce attached
to you? A way to make sure
you won’t be alone after all.
    But that might make him
think you trapped him? Might
drive him away? Nah. He’s
the type to stay. Even without
him, you wouldn’t be alone.

THAT LITTLE VOICE
    Is crazy. I don’t want to get pregnant.
(I don’t want to get pregnant, do I?)
    A baby would change my life forever.
(Like my life is so perfect right now?)
    I’d have to quit school. Be a dropout.
(You could finish up via the Web.)
    I’d get fat. Have morning sickness.
(There are ways around those things.)
    Grandfather would disown me.
(Grandfather doesn’t own me now.)
    Aunt Cora would be disappointed.
(Aunt Cora has already moved on.)
    Marriage is nothing but a trap.
(Who said anything about marriage?)
    A baby needs a mom and a dad.
(Not like Bryce would disappear.)
    But what if he did disappear?
(Then I’d still have a baby to love.)

A NEW FANTASY
    This one can include Bryce and me
    in the kitchen, only with a baby,
    sleeping soundly in a pink nursery.
    A little girl.
    I feed Bryce breakfast, kiss him
    good-bye. He heads on out the door
    to work. The baby wakes.
    Wanting her mommy.
    I breastfeed her, change her,
    put her in a pretty, soft dress.
    Take her to the park in a stroller.
    Everyone wants to see her.
    She’s a model baby. Hardly
    ever cries. Has my red hair
    and Bryce’s hazel eyes.
    The perfect combo.

AM I NUTS?
    I am all about order.
Dryer buzzes.
Remove sheets immediately.
Fold, wrinkle-free, perfect corners.
    What is a baby?
Dirty diapers.
Messy high chairs.
Sour spit-up on clothes.
    Babies need order too.
Clean diapers.
Clean clothes.
Clean high chairs.
    Clean babies are happy babies.
Smiling babies.
Cooing babies.
Cuddling babies.
    Cuddling babies fill you up.
Fill you with happiness.
Fill you with devotion.
    Fill you with love.

I AM MAKING MY BED
    When Grandfather and Aunt Cora
    breeze through the door, talking
    about details. Wedding talk is details.
… people on the guest list.
… people in the wedding party.
… people the church can comfortably hold.
    Even all the way down the hall in
    my room, I can hear how Grandfather’s
    staid voice has bloated