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imagination or did she sound just a little jealous? “Once, but it didn't mean anything.”
     
    “I think that's kind of how Jim viewed his time with me.”
     
    “He loves you.”
     
    “No he doesn't.”
     
    Even if he didn't, I did. Of course I couldn't admit that. There was no way she'd stay if I stopped pretending I thought of her as Jim's woman.
     
    She sighed. “Oh, Tom! I’d have been completely lost without you.”
     
    “But? There’s a but in your voice.”
     
    “No there isn‘t. If you really want us to, we’ll stay for a while.”
     
    “You will? You'll stay until Jim comes home?”
     
    “I don't think he's coming back—at least not for me, but I'll stay awhile. I can use the time to get on my feet.”
     
    And I could use the time to reconcile myself to losing her.
     
    * * *
     
    I brought Tanya and J.J. home a week later. There was no more overtime, strip clubs, or dating. I wanted to spend all my free time with them. I couldn’t get home fast enough.
     
    Tanya seemed to enjoy the time we spent together in the evenings. She always had dinner ready and looked so pretty she left me speechless. I spent hours watching the baby sleep. He was a miniature version of Jim, but he had Tanya’s sweet disposition and beautiful eyes. When he looked at me with dark eyes so like hers, I knew I'd do anything for him--just as I would for his mom.
     
    I felt so privileged to be able to spend the first months of his life with J.J. One day, Jim was going to look back on what he'd missed and curse the day he'd walked away from Tanya when she needed him most. In the meantime, I enjoyed getting to know him.
     
    “I think there’s something you should know about the baby, Tom,” Tanya said one night as I watched her put J.J. in his crib.
     
    “What?” I asked, without taking my eyes off him.
     
    “I hope you don’t get angry.”
     
    I frowned. “About what?”
     
    She kissed his cheek before she turned to face me. “We can’t keep calling him J.J.”
     
    “Why not?”
     
    “Because it’s time you knew his real name.”
     
    “Jim Martin, Jr. Right?”
     
    “Not quite.”
     
    “You mean you’d rather he take your family name?”
     
    She placed her hand on my back. “No, that’s not it.”
     
    “He has a middle name you'd rather use?”
     
    “No. I want to use his real name.”
     
    “Which is?”
     
    “Thomas Martin.”
     
    “Thomas...you named him after me?”
     
    She nodded. “I know I should’ve asked you first, but I just couldn’t call him Jim. Not when you were the one who was always there for me. I hope you’re not too angry, Tom.”
     
    “Angry? I feel like I’ve just won the Superbowl,” I shouted.
     
    “That's a relief. I hope he'll be half the man you are, Tom.” She placed her hands on my chest and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. “Thank you for all you've done and continue to do, Tom. Without you...thank you.” She brushed her lips against the corner of my mouth.
     
    After four months of trying to hide my feelings for her, feeling her lips near mine, was too much temptation. I lost it. I swept Tanya into my arms and started kissing her. First on her face. Then on her eyelids, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her chin.
     
    When she didn't protest, I captured the prize—her full, warm, sweet, sweet lips.
     
    To my delighted surprise, her lips moved against mine. She slipped her arms around my neck and kissed me back.
     
    I wanted to whisper tender love words against her mouth. Instead I heard myself chanting, “Tanya. Tanya. I want you. I want you.”
     
    “I want you too, Tom,” she whispered, stroking her fingers through my hair.
     
    I lifted my head and stared down at her. “Are you sure?”
     
    She nodded, lowering her lids.
     
    I wasn't certain she was really sure, but I was too far gone to do anything other than to pick her up.
     
    She lay her cheek against my chest.
     
    When I bent to kiss her lips, she kissed me