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warfare against
each other until the government calls out the National Guard to end
it. I had three callbacks for the role of one of the soccer moms,
but then I didn’t hear anything, and I figured I was too fat for
the role, and—Hello? Hi Verna, it’s Leah! May I speak with Frances,
please?”
    She twirled around and beamed at Brad. “They
have sixteen parts for women!”
    Whatever Brad might have responded, Leah
didn’t hear, because Frances was suddenly singing into the phone,
“It’s great news, sweetie! They’ve offered you the role of one of
the soccer moms. They don’t know which yet, but it will almost
certainly have lines. It’s two months of filming, three weeks of
which are on location in Bellingham, Washington. Now the money
is—”
    “Yes!” Leah shouted. “YES
YES YES !” she
shrieked, thrusting both arms into the air, phone included, before
whirling around to face Brad. “I got the part! I got a part in a studio film ! And
it’s a speaking part!” She quickly returned the phone to her ear.
“When does it start?”
    “Production starts in four weeks, but
listen, I want to talk money with you.”
    “Okay,” Leah gasped, but she didn’t hear a
word Frances was saying, because she was doing a little happy dance
around the living room.
    Her troubles were over.
She had a part in a studio film. She was back. Leah Klein, once the
toast of Broadway was back . Who knew where it could
lead?
     
    Subject: Soccer Moms!!
    From: Leah Kleinschmidt

    To: Lucy Frederick

    Time: 1:32 am
     
    I GOT SOCCER MOM #5!!!
Isn’t that fantastic?? I’m in four huge scenes with Nicole Redding,
and two with Charlene Ribisi. Or maybe with their stunt doubles—I’m
not sure how the battle stuff is going to work out, altho we start
boot camp tomorrow. Isn’t that a stitch? A three week boot camp to
make us into soldiers! Oh, Lucy, this has been so much FUN!! The
only downside has been the costumes. I mean, they are sexier than
what you’d probably see on a real soccer mom like in Torrance or
someplace like that, but they’re still pretty frumpy. And the
camouflage uniforms we have to wear for the last two battle scenes
are HORRIBLE. No one is happy. Those pants make our butts look enormous. It’s like
my friend Trudy said, “We’re an army of asses.”
     
    So get a load of this: You
know my boss, Henri, at the Silver Leaf Restaurant? The guy with
hands everywhere and nowhere appropriate? I told him I needed a
leave of absence for this film. And he was like,
“ What ees theees leave of absence? Theees
eees not a job to have leave of absence! There are many girls to
take your shifts !” Can you believe him?
After how much I have worked for that asshole the last two years?
So I said to his bald spot, because he’s so short and that’s really
the only thing you can see when the lights are up, “You know, HENRY
(he hates it when we call him Henry instead of ooon-reee), you are
absolutely right. I quit!” HA HA. I walked out just before the
evening shift started. I know what you are going to say, but I
don’t need that stinking job, Lucy. I finally have the break I’ve
been waiting for. I can feel it in my bones. Something fabulous is
going to happen! I’ve got three auditions this week!
THREE!
     
    And guess what? I figured it all out: I will
make enough to pay rent and bills, yada yada yada, AND get a new
car (I really want a new Thunderbird)!
     
    Okay, enough about me . .
. I STILL can’t believe you are actually getting married!! GAWD, it
seems like just yesterday we were clubbing in search of guys. And
then I met Asshole and you met Pete (did he ever move to Atlanta
like he promised?). Never mind. That’s been a long time ago, and
YOU are getting married!!! But I never really thought you liked David. Didn’t you
call him a moron?
     
     
    Subject: Re: Soccer Moms!!
    From: Lucy Frederick

    To: Leah