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pretty sure that he had never attempted suicide and ended up in the mental hospital for thirty days.
    He put his hand over mine. “You’re not alone. And I’m glad that you found a supportive community, even if it is online.”
    I nodded. “Thanks for that.”
    The conversation continued throughout the meal. He was charming, really, and extremely intelligent.
    But, too soon, it was time to venture back onto the street.
    And the panic started anew.

4
    “ O kay , CJ,” Asher was saying. I was standing right outside the Chinese restaurant, but I hadn’t been able to move for the past half hour. “It’s going to be okay,” he said softly. “You’re safe. Nothing is going to happen to you. Look around you. There’s no bad guy.”
    You don’t know that. There’s never a bad guy. Until there is. The bad guy who haunted my every waking thought came out of nowhere. It was just another day. Until it wasn’t.
    Still, at his command, I did look around me. The scene was no different than any other that I had encountered in my life. Having grown up in New York City, I was accustomed to the sounds, smells and feel of the city. I could smell soft pretzels that were being hawked by a street vendor. The sounds of honking horns and cursing out the window. The air was damp and dewy, although it wasn’t quite time to break out the umbrella. I shivered just a little, and Asher helpfully gave me his jacket. I breathed in, and inhaled his scent on the jacket. Woodsy cologne and the faint whiff of cigar smoke greeted my nose.
    “Sorry about that,” he said. “I sometimes indulge in a good Cuban cigar or two.”
    “No, I like that smell,” I said, and I did. My uncle used to smoke a pipe, and, when I was a kid, there was no better smell than that.
    “I’m glad you do,” he said. “Now, are you ready to try to get home?”
    I nodded, and practiced some words in my head. One step. Another step. Another step. I chanted a cadence in my head, and deliberately tried to ignore everything around me. “You’re okay, CJ, you’re okay. Just breathe and walk. Breathe and walk. Breathe and walk,” I mumbled under my breath. I was vaguely aware that Asher was right beside me, holding my hand.
    “You’re doing great,” he said. “We’re almost there.”
    And he was right. We soon made it to the front door of his building. “Oh, thank God,” I said, as I saw his front door. Then I turned to him. “Thanks so much for helping me like this. I don’t know how I can repay you. I feel confident enough now to get into a cab and go home.”
    He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Are you sure that you want to go home, CJ?”
    No, of course I didn’t want to go home. My body was aching for him. I could feel that my panties were completely soaked, and my skin was on fire whenever he touched me.
    “No, I don’t want to go home,” I said. “But I think that I need to. You’ve been wonderful and I’ll never forget this.” I was trying to be strong. There was something that was magnetic about this man, yet, at the same time, I could detect an undercurrent of danger. He seemed to command what he wanted, when he wanted. That was intoxicating. I had the feeling that he would take control and make me scream and writhe with pleasure.
    Yet, at the same time, I was apprehensive. I had never been in love. I had never allowed myself to fall in love. I guess that the reason for that was because my mother gave me such a bad example for relationships. She had been married five times, and none of those men were ever worth a damn. Three of her prior husbands tried to hit on me, and, to my mother’s credit, all three of those guys were gone after they made their move. But the damage was done. Relationships, and men, were off-limits to me.
    But this guy…there was something about him that told me that I would have a hard time not falling for him if I gave myself the chance to do so. And that was not something that I had ever wanted in my life.