Exposed: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page B

coping mechanism.”
    “You make it sound like such a big deal. Every guy looks at other women. It’s just the way they are. And I look at other men too. It’s natural. You can’t get married and expect to never be attracted to other people again. That’s unnatural.”
    I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one heard our conversation. A couple of teenagers looked our way and laughed. Everything I ever knew about love suddenly seemed unrealistic. Lies. I lived in lies. “Okay, I don’t want to talk about this with you. We’re obviously not on the same page. And I have no desire to be on your page.”
    “You don’t think other men are attractive?”
    “I’ve never thought about it.”
    “You are lying. What about that guy we saw at Walgreens in Perry Hall? Remember him?”
    I squinted my eyes, peeling my brain apart. “Don’t think so.”
    “Yes, you do. Last week when we stopped there on our way to McDonald’s, we asked him where they hid the Chapstick, remember?”
    “Um, I remember Walgreens and Chapstick, and a guy, but don’t remember what he looked like.”
    My cell phone vibrated in my purse. I shut it off without looking at it.
    “How many times has he called?” Verity said.
    “Twelve.”
    I placed my elbow on my car door and supported my head with my palm, away from the mirror. I couldn’t stand my reflection.
    Work. I didn’t want to return to work tomorrow after an extended weekend.
    A woman jogged across the street. I analyzed her body from behind. So womanly, like the women on Jessie’s computer. Her blonde ponytail swayed back and forth as she disappeared ahead. I cringed and turned up the music on the radio. Country music attempted to disguise my thoughts.
    I accelerated and approached the young jogger, longing for her body. Her curves and hips. Maybe if I dyed my hair blonde Jessie wouldn’t need to look elsewhere. Of course that wouldn’t change the fact that I looked anorexic compared to the women I saw on his computer.
    The jogger disappeared from my view, but a part of me wanted to turn around and watch her again, comparing myself to everything about her.
    I wanted to jump into Jessie’s mind and see what he would think about her.
    My sweaty hand slipped around my steering wheel. I turned left onto Box Hills Parkway. The blonde woman jogged through my brain. I rubbed my temple and turned onto our street.
    When I walked into our house I smelled roses.
    And I didn’t feel a single butterfly. . . .
    I tossed my keys on the kitchen counter and noticed dinner on the table. Steam rose from a pile of mashed potatoes, curling through the air, up and around a nice vase of lavender roses. My favorite.
    First time Jessie cooked dinner for me. And the first time a sweet gesture of his made me want to cry sad tears. I looked around the room, peered into the dining room and living room. No Jessie. I sat down at the table and shoved a fork full of potatoes in my mouth.
    Jessie sat down beside me. “Hi.”
    I pushed my corn into my potatoes and took another bite. Jessie bowed his head. I almost fell off of my chair. He never prayed in front of me, much less before a meal. My cheeks out-warmed the food and my appetite disappeared. I stood and walked away. Halfway down the hallway I slid my hand against the wall. Tears. Tears. No more tears. Not now.
    I walked into our bedroom, flipped the light switch and stared at our bed. So many beautiful nights blew threw my mind like February wind. So cold, yet so alive. I clenched my teeth and bit my lip while I ran my fingers over the comforter. Relieving my weak legs, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head. Clutching the pillow, I buried my face within its feathers. Another sob convulsed my body. Rivulets of tears wet my entire face and pillow. I hoped Jessie couldn’t hear me.
    The door opened. Jessie’s swift movements awakened the silence. He changed his clothes as I inched toward the edge of the bed, as far away from his side as