Everything is Changed Read Online Free PDF

can’t let it be. We killed someone,’ I say, fighting back tears.
    â€˜Yeah, I know. Every time I try and forget it, you’re right there to remind me.’ His voice is colder than I’ve ever heard it.
    â€˜But how can you forget it, Alex?’
    He shrugs. ‘Why do you need to hand yourself in? It’s not going to make any difference. He’s dead. But if you go to jail, your life will be over too. Just like your dad’s.’
    I feel like he’s hit me right in the gut. Swung a punch that will hurt far longer than if he’d slammed his fist into my skin. ‘I’m nothing like my dad.’
    â€˜Maybe you’re more alike than you think.’
    I don’t know what to say. He’s never used my secrets against me before. ‘You’ve really changed, Alex.’
    â€˜I’m just trying to look forward. Like you can.’
    â€˜Yeah? And make something of myself?’ I say as sarcastically as I can.
    Alex shuffles, leaning back against the fence like he needs the timber to keep him up. ‘Didn’t mean it like that …’
    â€˜Yeah, you did. You sound just like your dad. He must be so proud.’
    â€˜Fuck off, Jake.’
    â€˜You can’t escape what we did.’
    â€˜You aren’t my conscience. Go to the police if you want, but leave me out of it. Understand?’
    No. I shake my head. I don’t understand. Not at all.
    â€˜This isn’t just on me,’ I say, hating that he’s happy for me to take all the blame.
    Behind us the front door to Alex’s house opens and Tone appears holding two packets of chips. ‘Zander? Barbecue or salt and vinegar?’ he yells down the path.
    â€˜Barbecue,’ calls Alex.
    â€˜There anything to drink?’
    Alex closes his eyes for a second like he’s frustrated at dealing with this bullshit on top of everything else. ‘Bottom cupboard under the sink. Should be some cans of Coke or something.’
    â€˜Righto,’ says Tone, going back inside.
    â€˜Zander?’ I say with a grin, remembering how we used to laugh about that name.
    Alex looks at me with an expression I can’t read. I realise he is Zander now. He’s not Alex anymore.
    â€˜Oh, right. Zander. Sorry,’ I say.
    He nods. ‘Yeah. Me too.’
    I scuff my feet, not wanting him to go but not knowing what to say either.
    â€˜I met her, you know … his daughter …’ says Alex.
    I look at him but he’s looking down, his body tense.
    â€˜I haven’t forgotten, Jake. Just because I’m not like you doesn’t mean it doesn’t haunt me. Okay? I think about it every day.’
    His words make me feel lighter. It’s like he’s taking some of it off me. I breathe in and my body starts to relax and before I can think about what I’m saying, I’m saying it. ‘Let’s hang out one afternoon. Go to the skate park.’
    He whips around and stares straight at me. ‘See, that’s what I don’t get, Jake. You go on like you give a shit. Like you’re all tortured and stuff. But you’re just using this to get to me. This is not about that man. This is about us.’
    He picks up his bag and starts to walk away. I panic. He can’t go. We need to be in this together.
    â€˜Alex, we killed someone. What would your friend think of that?’ I say, too loudly for the street, and it makes him wheel around with this face of anger and storm towards me and grab my shirt, get in so close I can smell his rage.
    â€˜You’re my best friend,’ I say quietly, hating that I’ve come to this.
    He lets go of me then and smiles a big radiant Alex smile I haven’t seen for months. I grin back as he slides his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close.
    â€˜Best friends don’t threaten each other, Jake. They look out for each other. Help each other.’
    â€˜I’m not threatening you.’
    â€˜Yeah