Every Tongue Got to Confess Read Online Free PDF Page A

deacons done built, he fell in. “I tole dem deacons tuh build dis scaffold all de way cross.” (Gesture of swimming laboriously.)
    —J AMES B ROWN.
     
    Once there wuz a preacher. He sent his boy over to a man name Paul to git him a half pint of shinny. * Boy stayed so long till when he got back his father wuz gone.
    So he goes on over to the church and his father had taken his text in Paul. He wuz teaching about Paul and he ast: “Whut did Paul say?”
    Little boy peep round de door every time he would say “What did Paul say?” Kept on asting whut did Paul say and de boy thought he wuz talking to him. The boy hollered out and tole him, “Paul say he wuzn’t goin’ send him a damn bit more till he pay for dat he got.”
    —W ILL T HOMAS.
     
    There wuz uh woman who wuz always in church. Whenever her husban’ looked for her she wuz there. One day she locked up de kitchen an’ went on. She wuz in uh hurry tuh git dere cause dey wuz holdin’ protracted meetin’. When her husban’ come home she had him locked way from his rations, so he went down tuh de church an’ peeped. He couldn’t see her, but he knowed she wuz dere. He heered ’em singing’: “Git on board, lil childen”, so he answered ’em wid de nex’ verse, “An’ if my wife is in dere, jus’ tell her this fuh me, jus’ send dat doggone kitchen key an’ stay on board, lil childen.”
    She had ’im locked way from his eatin’s an’ he wuz mad.
    —L ARKINS W HITE .
     
    Once there was a man and the preacher came to his house to take dinner. Preacher saw the rooster on the yard and the man went into the garden to pick some greens. He cooked them and called the preacher to dinner. The preacher came to dinner and looked at the greens and said: “Uh! Say, I thought you were going to have chicken for dinner?”
    The man said, “I be doggone if you are going to eat my rooster so I won’t have any more eggs on my yard.”
    —A RTHUR H OPKINS.
     
    Once an ole preacher was up preaching. An ole man sitting in the amen corner said, “God grant it!” to everything the preacher would say.
    “What do you think about these fast trains running at the rate of one hundred fifty miles a hour?”
    “God grant it!”
    “What you think about these automobiles running at the rate of two hundred fifty miles a hour?”
    “God grant it!”
    “What you think about these ships on the water going at the rate of three hundred fifty miles a hour?”
    “God grant it!”
    “What you think about these airplanes going at the rate of four hundred fifty miles a hour?”
    Old man died down and he said, “God damn it.”
    —A RTHUR H OPKINS.
     
    Once there wuz an ole lady died and her name wuz Aunt Dinah. Being she wuz so ole they thought they would have a prayer over her. So de ole deacon he call all of ’em round him and went down in prayer. He said, “Send your power down here and wake up dese cold, frozen hearts. I can’t hear a moan and neither a groan.” So he called again and nobody still didn’t say nothing.
    So he raised up and looked and everybody wuz gone but him and Aunt Dinah. She wuz sittin’ up on de coolin’ board, and so he called her. He said, “Aunt Dinah?”
    She said, “Huh?”
    He said, “Is dat you?”
    She says, “Uh hunh.”
    He says, “Don’t you move a damn peg, do I’ll knock you dead on de coolin’ board.”
    —W ILL T HOMAS.
     
    Once there wuz another ole preacher. He wuz talkin’ to some boys one day and de boys ast him would he be ready when Gabriel blow his trumpet. He told ’em, “Yeah, he’d be ready if Gabriel wuz to blow his trumpet dis minute.”
    So dat night he went on to church and he wuz asting de members, “Will you be ready when Gabriel blow his trumpet?” So whilst he wuz preaching, de boys begin to blow on ahorn back of a church and dey blowed de second time. He says, “Hush, I think I hear Gabriel blowing now. If it’s him he’ll blow de third time.” So they blowed de third time. He