Even Silence Has an End Read Online Free PDF

that he was bound to do something.
    The guard looked at me warily and waited for me to speak. As a precaution he had straightened his Galil rifle, and now he held it vertically across his stomach, one hand on the barrel, the other on the butt, at attention.
    “I threw up.”
    He didn’t answer.
    “I need a shovel, to cover it up.”
    He still said nothing.
    “Tell the commander I need to speak to him.”
    “Go back to your cage. You’re not allowed out.”
    I did as I was told. I saw him thinking, rapidly, warily, making sure I was far enough away from the guard station. Then, with an authoritarian air and a boorish gesture, he shouted to the nearest guerrilla, who sauntered over. I saw them whispering as they looked at me, and then the second guerrilla went off. I followed him with my eyes, unmoving. He came back with an object hidden in his hand.
    Once he was near the entrance to the cage, he hopped nimbly inside. He grabbed the free end of my chain, looped it around a beam, and locked it all with a huge padlock.
    It was clear that this chain was more than just a burden and a constant source of discomfort; it was also a confession of their weakness: They were afraid I might escape. To me they were pathetic, with their guns, their chains, so many men just to take care of some defenseless women. Their violence was cowardly, their cruelty was spineless. They knew it was something they could get away with, because they practiced it with impunity and without witnesses. The words of the young guerrillera came back to me. I had not forgotten. What she had wanted to warn me about was that it had really been an order. She had told me so.
    How could someone give such an order? What went on in a man’s head that he would require such a thing of his subordinates? I felt very dumb in this jungle. In this environment that was so hostile to me I had lost a large part of my faculties. Now it was vital for me to open a door that would help put me back in my place in the world or, better still, put the world back in its place in me.
    I was a grown woman. I had a solid head on my shoulders. Would it be a relief to understand? No, probably not. There are orders that must be contravened, no matter what. Of course, peer pressure was considerable. Not only that of the three men among themselves, who had all received the order to bring me back and punish me and who had tried to outdo each other in their brutality, but also the pressure of the rest of the troops, who would hail them for acting ruthlessly. It wasn’t the men but the image of themselves that had proved fatal for me.
    Someone called my name, and I was startled. The guard was standing before me. I hadn’t heard him coming. He unfastened the padlock, and I still did not understand what was happening. I saw him kneel down and run the chain in a figure eight around my feet, then lock me up again with the same huge padlock. Disappointed, I began to sit back down, which annoyed him. He condescended to inform me that the commander wanted to see me. I looked at him with my eyes open wide, asking him how he thought I could possibly walk with all this scrap iron between my legs. He grasped me by the arm to make me stand and shoved me out of the cage. The entire camp had taken a front-row seat to watch the spectacle.
    I looked at my feet, careful to coordinate my steps and avoid meeting anyone’s gaze. The guard waved to me to hurry up, showing off in front of his comrades. I didn’t respond, and when I didn’t even pretend to obey, he got truly upset, worried he might look like an idiot.
    I arrived at the opposite end of the camp, where the commander, Andres, had his tent, and I tried to anticipate what sort of tone he might adopt for this private audience.
    Andres was a man who was just reaching maturity, with the fine features of a Spaniard and copper-colored skin. I had never found him truly dislikable, even though from the day he took command of this mission he had made a point