Esther Read Online Free PDF Page B

Very well.” He turned away.
    I told myself that he spoke in anger and his words were untrue.
    Without meaning to, I began to pray.
    When I finished securing Cyra’s new bandages, I became aware of Erez’s gaze upon me. He had turned around without me noticing. I swallowed the rest of my prayer.
    â€œI see, much too clearly,” he said, looking down at my naked face and hair, “how dangerous this is for you. You would do better to have some sense.”
    â€œI must do this,” I said . I shook Cyra. Her eyes remained closed and her head limp. I shook her with greater force and whispered her given name into her ear. “Yvrit. Wake up.”
    â€œHer fate is in the hands of Ahura Mazda. Shaking her will not wrest it from his grasp.”
    â€œI have learned not to leave the fates of those I love to God.”
    â€œDid I not just see you praying?”
    â€œPerhaps I was only talking quietly.”
    â€œYou were not that quiet.”
    Though I was angry at God, sometimes I still found myself praying to Him. “I pray in the vain hope that He is listening,” I said.
    Erez looked as though he wished to say something more but instead he bowed his head and reached behind his neck. His tunic sleeves started to fall down his arms and he quickly lowered his hands. He used his right hand to turn the chain around and bring the clasp in front of him, beneath his chin. “Unclasp this,” he said.
    To get a good grip on the clasp I had to come close to Erez. My hands began to tremble. I wanted to both step away from him and to tuck my head into the cradle of his neck. I did neither. I was careful not to touch him as I tried to open the clasp. It was slippery with sweat; a few times it slid out from between my fingers before I finally undid it.
    He took his eyes from my face and looked down at the small silver man with wings that hung from the chain I now held in my hand. It was a Faravahar, symbol of the Zoroastrian religion. I lowered it into his palm. He squeezed it gently, then looked back up at me. “Wear this.”
    I knew by the way he had gazed at it that it was of great value to him.
    â€œI cannot accept it.”
    â€œI am a soldier, of the ten thousand Immortals, and I order you to take it.”
    â€œFor what purpose?”
    â€œSo that no one besides me knows that you are Jewish.”
    â€œI am not—”
    â€œThen you are the only non-Jew I know who prays in Hebrew. If you make it through this march, you will have to learn to whisper more quietly. Eunuchs can hear a moth flap its wings from half a palace away.”
    â€œI will not even move my lips next time I pray.” I realized I did not fear that Erez would reveal my secret to anyone. I trusted him.
    â€œPlease turn around,” he said, and I obeyed.
    He brought the chain over my head and lowered it until the winged man rested on my chest, right below the rosette of my mother’s necklace. I tried to keep my breathing steady and I willed my hands not to shake as I lifted my hair so he could fasten his chain around my neck. He did not immediately take his fingertips from my skin. Somehow, though I was hot, the warmth of his flesh against mine was not unpleasant.
    No man who is not my husband ought to touch me this way, and this man is not only a stranger but also a gentile. It should not feel good to be touched by him.
    I stepped away, my heart stuttering in my chest. The Faravahar rested heavily upon my breast. Could this figurine of a false god keep me safer than the One God? And what will the One God think if He sees this around my neck?
    I turned to face him. “Thank you, Erez.” I reached back and undid my mother’s rosette necklace. “Will you also take this, and give it to a man in Shushan? I want him to know I am well.”
    Erez narrowed his eyes. “What man is this?”
    â€œMordecai. I live—I used to live—with him. When he heard that the king