Esther Read Online Free PDF

a cruel question, because it does not matter. I only know what I do not wish to do anymore—bloody the earth for the sake of expanding Xerxes’ empire. I do not hate the Greeks who revolt against him because they do not want to be slaves. I hate that I do not have a true home. I hate that I have rarely known the same woman twice. If I had any children they were probably flushed from their mothers’ wombs with herbs or worse.”
    I tried to show nothing in my face. I did not like to think of the women Erez had known, but I did not want to seem a naïve child. “Then why have you done all of these things?”
    â€œI regret almost everything I have done since drawing back the bow and killing the panther. Yet all that I did for Persia I would do again, if Xerxes commanded. I have been training for most of my life to do exactly as I am doing. If this—being an Immortal—is to be my life, my wish is that I be an officer instead of a common soldier. The cruelest among us have risen to the top and they are eager to spread their misery everywhere they go. As a common soldier I can do little to stop them.”
    â€œI had hoped you were an officer. I know you would be a good one.” He had said “Xerxes” as casually as though he spoke of a friend or uncle. “Have you ever spoken to the king?”
    â€œI have spoken to him without beginning or ending each sentence with ‘Your Majesty.’ He cannot trust his own brothers but he can trust a man who fights for him. Each of the six years of his reign he has recalled me to one of his four palaces to ride and hunt with him.”
    â€œThen you have his ear. If we bring Cyra back you can ask him—”
    â€œHis ear is full. Enough talk of your friend. You must turn your thinking to your own life. It is yourself for whom you should fear.”
    â€œI am not afraid,” I lied. “I am Esther, named after Ishtar: goddess of love, fertility, war, and . . .” I could not bring myself to say “sex.” Erez’s hand upon mine was as close as I had come.
    â€œIf there were a goddess of bullheadedness that would suit you better.”
    I moved out from under Cyra and set her head gently upon the ground. I stood to try to take the water from Erez. “If there is even the tiniest crumb of hope for her, how can we not help her?”
    â€œI will show you how.” He tied the water to the saddle and moved to walk around me, toward Cyra. He was going to take her back to the march.
    My heart beat wildly as I stepped into his path. “I will not go.”
    â€œThen I will retie your hands and throw you both over the back of my horse.”
    He reached for my wrists but I stepped away and yanked my head scarf off. His eyes widened. My hair was long and dark and spoken of throughout the market after one day when my scarf had come undone. Though I could feel that I was blushing yet again, I stood tall and lifted my chin. I began tearing the scarf into long strips.
    â€œFoolish girl,” he said. “Put your scarf back on. Do you know nothing of soldiers? In war you learn that whatever you see and can take is yours.”
    â€œCyra’s bandages have soaked through. I must change them.”
    For a moment he looked at me with a mixture of anger and sadness. Then his face seemed to draw closed. “You would have had a hard time in the king’s harem,” he said. “You would not have been wise enough to hide your insolence. The king’s favorite—Dalphon and Parsha’s cousin, Halannah, is famous for breaking the spirits of even the most willful girls. And the eunuchs would have helped her by pouring endless Haoma wine down your throat to drown your stubbornness.” He came half a step toward me and it took all of my strength not to back away. “But you will like being one of the soldiers’ concubines even less. Perhaps that is the fate you deserve though.