childhood bedroom was painted blue.
She
goes to the closet and disappears inside, emerging seconds later with a box.
She sits on the bed, cross-legged, and motions for me to join her, the box
between us.
“What
is it?” I ask as she lifts the lid. Inside it is a mess of papers and photos
and trinkets. She pulls out the things on the top and shuffles through them,
handing me a picture. It takes me a moment to realize it’s something I drew
when I was about ten years old. A lioness curled up around her three cubs with
my attempt at the arid landscape of Africa in the background. It’s childish
but detailed. I look up as she passes me more, all things I’d drawn and left
behind. All pictures of things that had fascinated me as a child, and maybe
still did. Not that I’d admitted that to myself in years.
She
passes me a packet of photos, and her expression is worried. “What?” I say,
suddenly nervous of what I might find inside.
“They’re
just pictures,” she says. “Family pictures.”
From
her tone I know that she’s concerned about how I might react but I can’t tell
her I don’t want to see. I have only one picture of my mom and me as a child,
and none of Sammie and her dad. I open the packet and start to flick through.
The more I look, the greater the burning sensation at the back of my throat
worsens. We all look so damn happy and I can’t stand it. I can’t bear
remembering all that contentment because it’s gone and it’s never coming back.
The packet wobbles in my hand and I drop it onto the comforter and walk out of
the room, needing time to steady my shaking hands. I stand at the window in
the den looking over the city that has housed us both for years and kept us
apart so well.
I
hear Sammie’s bare feet padding on the hardwood but I don’t turn. I feel her
hand rest lightly between my shoulders and all the love I feel for her seems to
spill out of my heart and into my chest, pulled by that small touch of her palm
against my t-shirt covered skin. I swallow and it’s so damn quiet in the room
that it’s audible.
“Bran,”
she says rubbing my back. “It’s okay.” When I don’t turn she places her other
hand against my cheek and draws me until we are facing each other. I can’t
hide anything from her. I never could. Sammie’s always been my best friend
and my home. We stare at each other, her eyes so sad and filled with a yearning
that I know is reflected in mine. It’s like the threads that had bound us
together when we were kids are fusing back together. She licks her lip and the
sight of her tongue makes my dick prickle. It’s a tiny reaction but it freaks
me the fuck out. But then she’s got her hand around my neck and she’s pulling
me towards her and we’re hugging and it feels so good, so perfectly right. She
soothes me with her hand that rubs up and down my back and her words that she
whispers in my ear.
“It’s
okay, Bran. You’re here now. We’re back together. Sammie and Bran Bran, best
friends forever,” she says just like she used to. But it doesn’t feel like
friendship when I’m distracted by her soft breasts pressed against my chest and
the curve of her hip under my palm. When her lips graze my ear I think it’s an
accident. She’s whispering close after all. But the soft feel of it, that
little graze, makes me sigh and then she sighs too and I know it wasn’t an accident.
“I love you, Bran,” she whispers, her mouth now so close to my neck I can feel
the wetness of it against my skin.
The
air feels alive with something. It’s our history swirling around us like a
vortex that’s drawing me closer to her when I know I should be pulling away.
Fuck. None of this was part of the plan but I can’t stop the way my hands want
to feel the skin of her back and slip inside her blouse. Her hand grabs at my
shoulder, molding the muscle there as if she needs something