of woodland land,” I said. “I'm not in that class.”
“Was it sold?” she asked.
“No, it didn't come up to the reserve.”
“Oh. I see.” She sounded relieved.
“You didn't want to buy it either, did you?” I said.
“Oh no,” she said, “of course not.” She sounded nervous about it.
I hesitated and then I blurted out the words that came to my lips.
“I'm pretending,” I said. “I can't buy it, of course, because I haven't got any money, but I'm interested. I'd like to buy it. I want to buy it. Open your mouth and laugh at me if you like but that's the way it is.”
“But isn't it rather too decrepit, too?”
“Oh yes,” I said. “I don't mean I want it like it is now. I want to pull this down, cart it all away. It's an ugly house and I think it must have been a sad house. But this place isn't sad or ugly. It's beautiful. Look here. Come a little this way, through the trees. Look out at the view that way where it goes to the hills and the moors. D'you see? Clear away a vista - and then you come this way -”
I took her by the arm and led her to a second point of the compass. If we were behaving unconventionally she did not notice it. Anyway, it wasn't that kind of way I was holding her. I wanted to show her what I saw.
“Here,” I said, “here you see where it sweeps down to the sea and where the rocks show out fire. There's a town between us and that but we can't see it because of the hills bulging out farther down the slope. And then you can look a third way, to a vague foresty valley. Do you see now if you cut down trees and make big vistas and clear this space round the house, do you see what a beautiful house you could have here? You wouldn't site it where the old one is. You'd go about fifty - a hundred yards to the right, here. This is where you could have a house, a wonderful house. A house built by an architect who's a genius.”
“Do you know any architects who are geniuses?” She sounded doubtful.
“I know one,” I said.
Then I started telling her about Santonix. We sat down side by side on a fallen tree and I talked. Yes, I talked to that slender woodland girl whom I'd never seen before and I put all I had into what I was telling her. I told her the dream that one could build up.
“It won't happen,” I said, “I know that. It couldn't happen. But think. Think into it just like I'm thinking into it. There we'd cut the trees and there we'd open up, and we'd plant things, rhododendrons and azaleas, and my friend Santonix would come. He'd cough a good deal because I think he's dying of consumption or something but he could do it. He could do it before he died. He could build the most wonderful house. You don't know what his houses are like. He builds them for very rich people and they have to be people who want the right thing. I don't mean the right thing in the conventional sense. Things people who want a dream come true want. Something wonderful.”
“I'd want a house like that,” said Ellie. “You make me see it, feel it... Yes, this would be a lovely place to live. Everything one has dreamed of come true. One could live here and be free, not hampered, not tied round by people pushing you into doing everything you don't want, keeping you from doing anything you do want. Oh, I am so sick of my life and the people who are round me and everything!”
That's the way it began, Ellie and I together. Me with my dreams and she with her revolt against her life. We stopped talking and looked at each other.
“What's your name?” she said.
“Mike Rogers,” I said. “Michael Rogers,” I amended. “What's yours?”
“Fenella.” She hesitated and then said, “Fenella Goodman,” looking at me with a rather troubled expression.
This didn't seem to take us much farther but we went on looking at each other. We both wanted to see each other again - but just for the moment we didn't know how to set about it.
Endless Night
Chapter 5
Well, that's how it began between
Janwillem van de Wetering