Edmund Bertram's Diary Read Online Free PDF

walking up to the attic to see Fanny. I found her in the schoolroom with a book. She looked up as I entered, and smiled, and made me welcome, like a hostess receiving a friend, and we were soon discussing the books she has read. And then, I do not know how it happened, I was tel ing her about the living of Mansfield and my disappointment at finding it had been sold.
    ‘It is a bad thing,’ she said, entering into my feelings and shaking her head, ‘a very bad thing. But you do not need Mansfield, Edmund. You have yourself, and that is al you need to do good in the world.’
    I smiled, cheered by her attitude.
    ‘And you wil stil have Thornton Lacey. It is not such a large parish as Mansfield, to be sure, or such a prosperous living, but it is stil yours.’
    She so comforted me that by the time dinner was served I was able to greet Tom with civility, and I believe I am reconciled to the loss of the Mansfield living.

    1806

AUGUST
    Tuesday 12 August
    I cannot believe it! My father is to leave us and go to Antigua for a year. I knew his affairs were not prospering as he had hoped, but I had no idea things had come to such a pass.
    ‘You wil have to look after my affairs here at home whilst I am gone, and the family, too,’ he told me. ‘It is a heavy responsibility for a young man of two-and-twenty years, but I have confidence in you, Edmund. Take your tone of conduct from me. If you are in difficulties then ask yourself what I would do in the same circumstances and act accordingly.’
    I said I would do my best.
    ‘I wil be taking Tom with me,’ he said. ‘I had hoped he would grow more settled, but he appears to be getting worse instead of better. His friends are badly chosen and lead him astray, and Tom, alas, does not have the character to resist them. If I leave him behind, I fear he wil squander what remains of our fortune whilst I am away.’
    He told me what he expected of me, and then I was free to go.
    ‘He cannot do this to me,’ said Tom angrily, coming into my room as I dressed for dinner. ‘He cannot take me out of England at such a time — and to the Indies, for God’s sake! What the devil am I to do in Antigua?’
    ‘Learn about his business affairs?’ I asked.
    ‘Like some money-grubbing shopkeeper, or a mil owner? I am not an estate manager, I am a baronet’s son!’
    ‘The baronet does it,’ I pointed out.
    ‘More fool him. Why does he not leave it to his men of business?’
    ‘Because his affairs have not prospered in their hands.’
    ‘Then he should get rid of them, and hire new men.’
    ‘There is no one he can trust so wel as himself.’
    ‘Antigua!’ said Tom with a groan, flinging himself down across a chair. ‘The heat . . . the people .
    . . it wil be abominable. I cannot stand it. I wil not go.’
    ‘Then tel him so.’
    He shuffled uncomfortably.
    ‘I have already tried. He told me plainly that if I refuse, he wil not honor my gambling debts.’
    ‘What, none of them?’
    ‘None of them,’ he said morosely. He broke out passionately. ‘It was not my fault. I had an unbeatable hand! The only thing I had to fear was an ace. And then Watkins turned his card over, and there it was. The ace of hearts. It was damnable luck. Quite damnable. So of course I had to keep playing, to win back what I had lost. Except I had a run of bad luck that led me to such ruin I had to apply to Papa.’ He shook his head. ‘It was not my fault. The cards were against me, that is al .’
    ‘You might like the Indies,’ I said.
    ‘Hah!’ He swung his leg over the arm of the chair. ‘A likely tale. And whilst I am sweltering in al that heat, with no one to talk to and nothing to do, you wil be here enjoying yourself.’
    ‘I wil be here looking after the estate,’ I said, shrugging on my coat.
    ‘Which no doubt you wil relish.’
    ‘At the moment, I am terrified. What if we have a poor harvest, or there is a French invasion, or Maria and Julia elope, or are preyed upon by fortune