Ecstasy Read Online Free PDF

find our way here after we’ve lost someone to a debt collector.” She stares intently at the sleeping boy.
    My eyes widen, and I look between her and the boy. “Is he…”
    She blinks and refocuses on me. “For me, it was my brother. He was only a few years older than me, but he got sick. We didn’t have any money, so the debts stacked up quickly. It was only three weeks from when he got diagnosed that he got transferred out.”
    A debt collector transferred out her brother. A collector like me. I swallow. “How can you… I mean…”
    She smiles. “How can I service debt collectors? When I know what they do?” She turns to face me full on. “Because I know what they can do, Lirium. I know they can give as well as take. And I know…” She glances at the boy once more, then slowly walks between the cots again. “I know that every hit I earn is going to help someone who desperately needs it. I can service a politician whose biggest accomplishment is keeping his sex worker hidden from his wife.” She gives me a small smile. “Or I can service someone who will give me something that makes a life and death difference to these kids.” She stops and rests her hand on a cot rail. The bedside lamp is still on, but the girl’s face is half buried under blankets. “It’s an amazing feeling, isn’t it? But I guess you already know that. The collectors say it feels good to them, too.”
    I frown. “Wait. You mean when you transfer out, it feels… good?” It shouldn’t. A debt collector has to pull that hit from her before giving it to the kids. That should feel like the small death that it is; the sick feeling I know too well from every time I pay out.
    She gives me a perplexed look. “Of course. It feels great to give.”
    I cock my head to one side, trying to figure out if she means that literally or figuratively, when a shadow moves next to the cot. Someone is sitting in a chair in the darkness outside the spot of the bedside lamp.
    When she moves into the light, I jerk in recognition.
    “Joe?” It’s Apple Girl. “Joe, you’re… here.” She smiles, and that look both terrifies me and turns something inside me soft. Vulnerable. I turn to glare at Grace. She had to know Elena would be here, but she has a look of surprise on her face which quickly turns scolding.
    “Elena,” Grace says, “you’re not supposed to be here. Visiting hours are over.”
    “I know.” Elena’s gaze never leaves my face. “I’m just not sure how much time she has left, so… I stay.”
    Grace passes a look between us, then edges away, giving us a measure of privacy in this quiet, shrouded room filled with death. Privacy I don’t want. What I want is to run far away from Apple Girl. I want to turn away from her dark brown eyes, which in the dim light seem endlessly deep. I want to say something that will make her turn away from me.
    I can’t seem to do any of those things.
    Her hair is messed up on one side. She’s been sleeping on it. I curl up the hand that wants to reach out and fix it.
    She steps closer, a tentative smile on her face. I can just barely smell the apple scent in her hair. “You’ve decided to join us…”
    I blink. “No,” I say. “No! I’m not here for…” A small movement over her shoulder grabs my attention. Tilly’s restless in her sleep. I swallow and look back to Elena. “I’m not here for Tilly.”
    She frowns. “Are you transferring for one of the other kids?”
    “No. Look…” I run my hand over my face. “I just… I should go.”
    Her eyes turn cold. “You’re not here to help the kids.”
    “Elena, look, you don’t understand. I can’t. It’s… it’s not safe for me to do mercy hits. I can’t stop once I start.” I want to grab hold of her shoulders, press my fingers into them, make her stop looking at me like I’m despicable. I keep my hands at my side. “It’s hard to explain.”
    The cold look stays, and a frown joins it. She doesn’t believe me. Or maybe