Eat Your Heart Out Read Online Free PDF

smiled.
    â€œYeah, I like that.”
    She said she liked that real decisive. Her eyes narrowed and she pointed at me when she said it. She was saying it a specific way. She was getting at something, I’m certain.
    Anyway, I went to my CD player, and I found this disc an old flame had made me.
    It was this cover of Bowie’s “Let’s Dance,” this real slow version, acoustic almost. The guy singing it had this real simple, honest voice. Bowie’s version isn’t pretty or anything, but when you listen to this guy, you really hear the poetry.
    Looking back, I really don’t know why I was so dead set on playing it.
    I put the song on and then I moved to the couch and I sat right next to her. I didn’t realize how dark it was until I sat down.
    The acoustic guitar started very slow. It sank into us both.
    She moved closer to me and said something like “Oh, Rich! This is so beautiful.”
    But she said it real quiet, like she wanted to keep listening.
    I remember my body sagged closer to hers.
    Then she put her hand on my thigh, and she said, “Rich, this is such a beautiful song.”
    I wanted to be closer to her. I should’ve sent her home right then, but I didn’t. I just wanted to be closer to her. I put my hand on hers. She was so small. I put my other hand on her thigh. I could feel the silk in her dress under my hands.
    I could feel her move closer and press up against me. I could smell the alcohol on her. Her skin was so soft and so perfect. I could hear her breathing.
    Then I kissed her. Just out of nowhere, just for no reason, just because honest to God I wanted to. I just kissed her. I put my lips on hers, real soft and real tender. I still remember how her lips felt. They were lush and expectant. I swear to you she was expecting it.
    But I kissed her first. And that’s about as clear as I can make it.
    She pulled back away from me, so fast.
    â€œWhat the fuck are you doing, Rich?”
    Then I opened my eyes, and I saw her looking at me with this mix of anger and fear. I’d never seen somebody look equal parts angry and afraid ever before in my life, but her eyes looked real scared. I felt so bad when I saw those eyes.
    â€œI’m sorry, Maggie. I’m sorry. I’m shitfaced and—”
    â€œYou are unbelievable!”
    â€œMaggie, I didn’t mean it, I just wasn’t thinking. Maggie, calm down, I’m sorry—”
    She was real drunk, just trying to get her purse and her jacket.
    â€œMaggie, no, don’t leave.”
    â€œOf course I’m leaving!”
    â€œMaggie, just calm down.”
    â€œYou’re a stupid asshole!”
    She was looking at me like she was real shocked that I kissed her. Like she just couldn’t believe it.
    â€œMaggie, come on. It’s not like you weren’t wanting it.”
    That’s where I really messed up. She went off after that.
    â€œWanting it? Are you out of your mind? You know what you are, Rich? And you listen to me, you know what you are?”
    â€œNo, and you can calm right down.”
    â€œYou know what you are?”
    â€œMaggie, you can lower your voice.”
    â€œYou are a fucking coward.”
    â€œMaggie, I’m just drunk. I didn’t mean anything by it—”
    â€œRich, I was your friend.”
    â€œI wasn’t trying to ruin it, Maggie. Just calm down.”
    â€œDid you think I was going to fuck you?”
    I stayed quiet. I didn’t know what I thought.
    â€œYou are tragic.”
    I remember being mad after she said that. Real mad.
    â€œGet the fuck out of here, Maggie.”
    Then she looked at me like I was despicable. I have never seen that type of hate in a woman’s eyes before.
    â€œDon’t try and pretend like you’re kicking me out of here.”
    She slammed the door and then she was gone.
    I lay back down on my couch and stared at the ceiling again.
    I swear, I thought she was wanting it