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could merge everything and be as popular at school as I am with my Indian friends, I often thought. Why can’t my schoolmates see in me what my Indian friends see?
    As I got older, I became more and more interested in the intellectual aspects of the study of Hinduism. I actually enjoyed studying the Bhagavad Gita and the Vedas, learning about cause and effect, destiny versus free will, and similar topics; and I loved the discourses and debates we had on these subjects. Also, I prayed and meditated, because I felt it cleared my thoughts at that time. There was much about it that actually made sense to me, even though many of the beliefs of my culture didn’t seem rational, such as suppressing women, expecting them to be subservient to men, and arranging marriages against people’s will. Nowhere is any of this stipulated in the Vedas!
    Despite my exposure to such a broad range of cultures and religions, nothing prepared me for what would transpire in the years to come. Little did I know that all my previously held beliefs, perceptions, and philosophies were going to be blown wide open and shaken to their very core. Long before that, however, I was still challenging my culture and traditions as I moved into adulthood and searched for balance in my life.

     

CHAPTER 3
     
    Matchmaking Missteps
     
    Over the years, because of our culture, my parents tried to gently persuade me toward an arranged marriage by introducing me to the sons of friends and acquaintances. My father in particular wasn’t keen on my furthering my studies beyond high school, as he feared my going away from home to college would make me more independent. He believed that this would reduce my chances of being a subservient and accommodating housewife one day. In my culture, it’s believed that the less educated and younger a woman is, the more accommodating she’ll be in a marriage, which is considered desirable.
    Although my parents wanted nothing more in the world than for me to be happy, in their minds, this hinged not only on me getting married, but specifically marrying someone from my own culture. However, everything I wanted to do seemed to contradict this.
    “But Dad, I really want to go to university to study photography and graphic design!” I insisted.
    “If you can find a course of study near home, I won’t object, but I’m not letting you live away from home to study!” my father responded.
    “But Dad, you know that there are no higher education institutes that teach in English around here! I have to move away if I want to study further!” I argued.
    “That’s out of the question! You know very well that it is not acceptable for women to live away from home before they’re married,” he countered.
    But I’d grown into a young woman by this point, with my own strong views and opinions. Because of my education, I’d become much more westernized in my outlook, so I asked, “Why are the rules different for women then they are for men?”
    “They aren’t rules! They’re just the way things are, and you should be proud of upholding your cultural values,” my father said, somewhat annoyed by my defiance.
    I had dreams that I had yet to fulfill, and I had a sinking feeling they might not come to fruition. I wanted to see the world and maybe work as a travel photographer. I wanted to backpack through Europe, see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and experience the pyramids of Egypt. I wanted to feel the energy of Machu Picchu, eat paella in Spain, and enjoy tagine in Morocco. There was so much I wanted to do, see, and experience; and I knew that agreeing to an arranged marriage would end my chances of realizing my dreams. However, my case wasn’t helped by the fact that two of my closest Indian girlfriends were engaged to be married in arranged alliances at that time, shortly after graduating from high school.
    So, not wanting to cause trouble or confront my father any further, I enrolled in a local photography course. At the same time,