Dog Training The American Male Read Online Free PDF

stemming
from an abusive first marriage.
    Bonnie was white, single and in
her late twenties—an elementary school cafeteria worker fighting an obesity
problem she blamed on a domineering mother.
    Sophia was the youngest—nineteen
years old and Hispanic. The community college student’s arms were covered in tattoos
displaying her eighteen month old daughter’s name and image. She has not seen
the child’s biological father since the night he had impregnated her in the
high school’s boys’ locker room.
    The short white woman in her
mid-sixties was new.
    Either a recent divorcee or a
widow, Nancy surmised . Stay positive. Four is twenty-five percent better
than three  . . . “Good morning, ladies, and welcome to
The Sunshine Hour, a free weekly seminar for women, sponsored by my radio show, Life’s a Beach with Nancy Beach . Before we begin, would everyone stand
please and recite the pledge.”
    The three returnees stood,
joining their leader: “I am the keeper of my own fate, emancipating myself from
the self-imposed bonds of my gender.”
    “Excellent. I see we have a
newbie. Please, tell us about yourself and describe the Y chromosome in your
life.”
    “The Y who?”
    “The man in your life . . . assuming
it’s a challenging relationship with the opposite sex that brought you here.”
    “Well . . . my
name is Edna Dombrowski. I’m sixty-three years old, originally from New York.
The Y chromosome in my life is . . .  was my
ex-husband, Walter.”
    The other women chanted, “Why Y . . . do
you make us cry!”
    “Did Walter make you cry, Edna?”
    “Sometimes. After all, we were
married thirty-six years. We had good times, some ehh , but we stayed
together. Mostly for the kids.”
    “What went wrong?” asked Bonnie, the
weight-challenged attendee spewing remnants from her last bite of doughnut.
    “The trouble began about a year
ago when we stopped having . . . relations. Walter claimed
he couldn’t get it up because of a swollen prostate. Well, he sure got it up
for his secretary, Claudia.”
    Laticia shook her head. “Girlfriend,
if some Y did that to me, I’d have gone Lorena Bobbitt all over the
mother-fucker.”
    “I’m sorry?”
    “I’d have cut off his pecker.”
Laticia mimed slicing off a man’s penis.
    Nancy cringed. “Laticia, we can’t
go around castrating every Y who hurts us. We’re here to help Edna gain a new
perspective about what happened so she can prevent this situation from occurring
in her next relationship.”
    Sophia turned to Edna, her words
slightly garbled by her tongue piercing. “Was you there for him sexually?”
    “I thought I was. Thirty-six
years . . . I don’t ever recall him complaining.”
    “But was you really there?
Did you just lie there and stare at the ceiling fan, or did you make him feel
like a Aztec God?”
    “Aztec God? Walter? The man laid
down and I climbed on. He had a chronic bad back.”
    “I ain’t sayin’ you should’a hurt
him, I just know the guys I been with over the last like ten years go crazy
whenever I talk nasty to them.”
    “You’ve been sexually active for
ten years? How old are you?”
    “Nineteen. Okay, eight years.
Anyways, next time you is with a man of the opposite sex, try this . . . ‘Oh
God, Walter! Oh God, you are so big. Bury that dagger in my pussy. Sacrifice me
to the gods!’” Sophia hi-fived Laticia. “Trust me, girlfriend—once you go
Hispanic, ain’t no need to be romantic.”
    Edna’s complexion paled. “I’m a
sixty-three-year-old Jew from the Bronx. When I was your age, I was still a
virgin. I birthed three kids and had a hysterectomy, and in all those years I
never referred to my personal area as anything but my personal area. If I
moaned like that, Walter would have had a heart attack.”
    Nancy held up her hand, cutting
off Sophia’s retort. “Edna, I think Sophia’s point is that we can empower
ourselves by using certain tools that feed our Y’s ego while