Doctors of Philosophy Read Online Free PDF Page A

shall try to scream. Introduce me to young Charlie, please.
    M RS. S. Dr. Leonora Chase, Ph.D., early edition—Dr. Charlie Weston, Ph.D., late edition.
    L EONORA. Come and sit over here, young Charlie. You’re doing nuclear research?
    MRS. S . He won’t answer. He’s very hush-hush.
Car draws up with screech outside. Noise and bumps. Voices. Delay. Bell rings.
    That’s her. (Goes out.)
More bumps.
    CATHERINE. Annie always brings a lot of luggage.
    M RS. S. (throws open door as ANNIE enters). Mrs. Annie Wood, non -Ph.D.! (Withdraws.)
    A NNIE. Do you know, there was a marvellous lorry driver outside when I drove up. He helped me in with my luggage. Isn’t he big? He said I could call him Charlie. D APHNE. That’s my lorry driver !
    A NNIE. I think it good that young persons should learn to share. Charles. Catherine. Leonora. Heavenly to see you looking so sane and steady and solid after the mad crazy world I live in. I always boast about my learned cousins, I tell all my friends, I say ‘They are Doctors of Philosophy, every one of them. They live such dignified lives, my dears. They have stately conversations with each other. They never have to take pep-up pills or keep-calm pills. Philosophers, that’s what they are.’ It’s perfectly true, my dears, you have philosophical hearts, that’s why it’s so peaceful to come amongst you. Who is this adorable-looking young man?
    CATHERINE. Daphne’s young friend, Charlie Weston. My cousin, Mrs. Wood. Charlie is a nuclear-physicist, Annie, he’s doing secret work.
    A NNIE. Really? Tell me all about it.
YOUNG CHARLIE Smiles.
    A NNIE (hunting in large hand-bag). He has a most eloquent smile. Where’s that … I’ve got a present for you, Catherine, but I can’t …
    CATHERINE. Oh, Annie, you shouldn’t. … I hope …
    A NNIE (still hunting) . Come and sit beside me, Charlie, while I look for Catherine’s present.
Both CHARLIES move towards ANNIE.
    CATHERINE. We make a distinction between the two Charlies, Annie, by calling them young Charlie and Charlie.
A NNIE beams at YOUNG CHARLIE, who sits beside her while CHARLIE retreats .
    CATHERINE. Charlie, what’s the matter? Haven’t you made it up with Leonora? I sense something.
    A NNIE. Here it is. (Hands CATHERINE parcel.) I sense something too. Leonora, I’ve advised you before. I know you’re brilliant, but if you want to keep on the right side of a man you’ve got to say nice things to him. There’s no point in just winning a learned argument, it—
    CATHERINE. This looks very exciting.
    A NNIE. Don’t look so worried, Catherine, it’s only a book.
    CATHERINE. Marler’s Economical Cookery.
    A NNIE. I thought you would obviously not have a cookery book in the house. It will be a change from your studies and all that heavy reading, Catherine. Something womanly.
    CATHERINE. Thank you, Annie. (Places book aside.) Charlie —young Charlie—wouldn’t you like to go and sit beside Daphne? You don’t want to be stuck with us women old enough to be your mother.
    Y OUNG CHARLIE. No thanks.
    D APHNE. He’s got a mother-fixation, quite incurable.
    ANNIE. Isn’t he perfectly marvellous! Now there was something I wanted to ask you, Charlie. I mean old Charlie. (Fishes in large handbag.) I’ve been so worried about an economic problem. I’ve been trying to puzzle my head, then on the way here I thought to myself ‘Of course ! Charlie’s the man. The foremost economist in the realm. Charlie will help me.’ I know I’ve got it here — here it is. (Fishes out thick bank statement.) You see, it’s my bank statement. Now Charlie, look. You see that item for four and twopence? Well, it happens on every page. Look, there’s two on a page. Now I never write a cheque for four and twopence. Whatever can it mean? I believe I’m being robbed.
    CHARLIE. Those are charges for your cheque books. They cost four and twopence each.
    ANNIE. Charlie, you’re brilliant. Catherine — he’s an absolutely brilliant economist.