Dishonor Thy Wife Read Online Free PDF Page A

would make one hell of a private eye and did not need the help of a
zipper Yeah, I could take a magnifying glass, bend on my knees, and look up
her skirt. Just call me a private dicktective.
    I stood with the garage door slightly ajar, spying on her
driving away from the house.
    Hers was the Chrysler Cruiser, virginal white with fake wood
paneling across the sides.
    Mine was the Darth Vader Death Star black Mercedes Benz, a
car forged in Hades that drove itself home when the driver was sloshed.
    The colorless, grey SUV was ours. The color grey was middle
ground, but the wife and I could never meet in Middle-earth except on
quicksand. Lint grew beneath the gold band around my sweaty wedding finger—One
Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Except for disliking
hairy big feet, I was a fan of The Lord of the Rings .
    I followed Ronni and with great stealth, parked the black
Mercedes several cars behind her Cruiser, watching her walk into a bar a half
block from Sixth Street.
    I stood on the dark street across
from the bar, keys dangling in my hand. I have been tailing Ronni for a while
now but her peep show every night had given me the balls to get closer.
    I swaggered towards a bar named Lovejoys.
    My cockiness vanished as soon as
I walked into the bar. I never used to be so sneaky but since Philadelphia, I
have changed. I leaned against the bar, one boot on the footrest, and nervously
drummed my fingers against the wooden counter. The bar was carved in the shape
of a coffin.
    What excuse could I make for
being at Lovejoys when she left the house just fifteen minutes ago? Ronni was
already suspicious of me.
    Well, hell’s bells, America was supposed to be a free
country. I had as much right as anyone to be in Lovejoys.
    “Hit me with a beer,” I told the
bartender and loosened my tie. I was dressed like a doctor or like an
undertaker.
    I
removed my black suit jacket and slung it across a gold metal pipe that wrapped
around the wooden bar. I rolled up the sleeves of my white shirt and yanked a
black tie over my head, nearly choking in the process.
    I grabbed a mug of beer and
guzzled the entire contents. “Hit me again.” I  burped.
    The rest of Lovejoys looked more like a living room than a
bar. Ronni was sitting on a couch with her back to me chatting with another
woman.Her friend, Riley, looked cheap. Her skirt
rode up her hips, and revealed a bit of white panty.
    Ronni and Riley drank the hard stuff and seemed to be having
a serious discussion. Neither paid attention to the men in the bar ogling the
women. I walked quietly with my hand hiding my face, and then stood against a
counter across from them and eavesdropped.
    Ronni said, “Brad just seems so
different. He is somewhat sweet, you know? He actually fried me eggs for
breakfast on Sunday.” Ronni’s shoulders slumped and her chest sunk in. Her
voice sounded heartbroken. “I almost hoped...”
    “You and Brad might have a
happily ever after?” Riley raised an eyebrow. She took out a cigarette and lit
the cancer stick. Riley then sucked on the cigarette, turning her face sideways
to prevent smoke blowing in Ronni's face.
    “Traci runs down to the basement
every day when she comes home from school just to stare at the pieces of the
rocking horse he’s making. I swear that horse will rock Traci to heaven when
Brad is finished with it.”
    “Are we talking about the devil Brad, your husband?
Well, I would not trust him. How can a man and woman live in the same house
together for over six years and not have sex? Brad has always been a bastard.
Your husband propositioned me one time.”
    “I know,” Ronni said in a small voice, “but that was a long
time ago.”
    “That a-hole wanted to have sex with me only because it
would be a coup to sleep with your best friend and forever put a wedge between
us.” Riley turned her face in my direction and blew cigarette smoke.
    I shoved my hand in front of my face but stillRiley said, “Well, well,