Discipline Read Online Free PDF Page A

you topped?"
    "What do you mean what happened? It was forever ago, I barely remember it."
    "So how come you're so sure you won't enjoy it? Look, kiddo -- we've got kinks. Our sexual identities don't fit into nice little boxes. Where on earth did you get so attached to the idea that subs don't ever top?" Phan looked up at him and brushed a hand along Noah's arm in a strangely comforting gesture. "If you really don't like it, he's not going to make you. Not this."
    Noah sighed. "I know," he said softly. "I'd like to, though, if he'd enjoy it. There's nothing I wouldn't do to please him, really, it's just... it's not that I'm stuck thinking inside a box, Phan, it's just... it's complicated." Noah shook his head. "It's complicated" were the last two words anyone should ever say to Phan, particularly if they wanted to stop talking about something. "Damn."
    "Oh, complicated," Phan said expansively. "That changes everything. Just stick a sign on your dick that says 'Sorry, sir. It's complicated.' He'll just nod and let it go. Like I am right now. Because we know nothing from complicated. I'll shut up if you talk right the fuck now."
    "You're a little shit, you know that?" Noah snorted, giving Phan a gentle shove and knowing that Phan knew he was just playing. "God." Noah rubbed his face and tried to figure out how to start. "Listen. This doesn't go beyond you and me, okay?" He knew he didn't have to say it, but something in him needed to.
    Serious eyes met his. "Okay. But if I think Tobias needs to know, I'll tell you that's what I think. Talk."
    Phan snuggled down again, his hand still stroking over Noah's arm.
    "Oh, he knows this part; it's about him," Noah said softly. "Christmas Eve, Tobias spent all night in my arms in tears. He talked about his parents, and about school and work, and you. He told me pretty much everything, you might as well know that." Phan's warmth was comforting, and he was always so easy to talk to. Nothing shocked him, nothing was too stupid or too juvenile; he just took everything at face value. It was a rare gift. "Anyway, he was desperate by the day after Christmas to win back his dominance. He was afraid that breaking down like that in front of me would... he was concerned it might..." Noah sighed. "Well, he was afraid he'd lost my respect, I guess. That seeing him vulnerable would ruin things between us."
    Phan shifted in his arms and nodded. "He... he'd be worried that you wouldn't take him seriously. Okay, so you're tying him bottoming to that sort of thing?"
    "Right. I feel kind of the same way. That topping him -- especially in a scene where I need to push him Generated by ABC Amber LIT Conv erter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
    around a little or restrain him -- I'm worried, not so much that he'll lose something in it, but that I will.
    That I'll start looking at him and wanting to fuck him, instead of wanting him to fuck me." He shook his head. "That probably makes no sense at all."
    "No, it makes sense," Phan assured him. "Justlemme think a little. Just... hold on and cuddle, okay? I do my best thinking in a cuddle." He tilted his head up and smiled. "It's just sex, kiddo. There's always a solution."
    "Just sex," Noah snorted, but he tugged Phan a tiny bit closer.
    They sat for a few long minutes, Phan's warm body growing even warmer as he snuggled. "How about if it wasn't a scene?" Phan finally asked. "Tell me what you felt on Christmas Eve. If he'd needed it then, do you think you could have? And would you have enjoyed it?" Phan twisted right around in his arms, so they were chest to chest. "I don't think you're worried about topping, I think you're worried about being the dominant one. About being in charge and having to enforce it."
    Noah's answer was easy. "I'd have done anything he needed that night. Anything at all." He looked at Phan. "And you're right, that's exactly what I'm worried about. How come you can say things so much better than I can?" He lifted a lock of Phan's hair