Diary of a Provincial Lesbian Read Online Free PDF

gruelling personal experience.’
    Deirdre slapped her forehead - a sign of some flash of insight she’s about to share with me. ‘I think at least eighty-five percent of ill people, maybe ninety-five percent, bring illness on themselves by being self absorbed in the first place.’
    ‘I don’t think so.’
    ‘I know so.’ Goes on to list everyone she knows who’s died or nearly died, finding instances of self absorption in every case.
     
    On train I work on A. Oakley’s latest letter to the Listening Ear. Subject: what constitutes a successful public lavatory? I itemise: availability, cleanliness, privacy. Man sauntering through ladies’ facilities wielding mop and bucket, shouting ‘anyone need a new roll?’ is untenable. Have any other readers suffered a similar experience?
     
     
    Feb 10 th
    Laura survives operation. Nurse telephones to say, Laura doing fine but has over-taxed her vocal chords. It seems that Laura has a low pain threshold. Actually nurse says in caustic tone, ‘Laura has a low discomfort threshold’.
     
    Buy book of wildflowers. Begin studying kerbside flora. See daisies, buttercups and dandelions. Cheerful, brightens up the pavement but hardly exciting.
     
     
    Feb 11 th
    Nic telephones to ask whether I’ve chosen what I want from her catalogue. Say ‘Yes’. She says she and Simone will collect catalogue and my order after dinner this evening.
    I retrieve catalogue from paper recycling box and search through for some plant that might possibly suit my hillside meadow. Choose Lady Slipper Orchid, a lily called a Sea Daffodil which seems appropriate to the seaside and also a new variety of Comfrey guaranteed not to become invasive. Go upstairs to back bedroom and role play in front of the full length mirror how I’m going to tell Nic I will not be joining her in the competition this year.
    Ploy 1. The dishonest play for sympathy:
    Nic, vis a vis the competition I don’t feel well enough to tackle it this year. Hand loiters around breast bone to signify unspecified weakness.
    Whatever’s the matter with you?
    Pause. Too tempting of fate for me to imply anything serious in breast bone area; My right foot’s not what it was.
    Nic looks bewildered. Simone and Georgie will cease their own conversation and start listening.
    Ploy 2. The dishonest play for sympathy and understanding:
    If you don’t mind, Nic, I’ll give the comp a miss - I’d rather like the summer to take time out for reflection.
    On what?
    I did lose my parents recently.
    Surely that was five or six years ago.
    And then the guinea pig died.
    Did it?
    And Samson massacring the little blue tit family nesting in the back wall, last spring.
    Did he?
    As Deirdre next door says, I’ve had a lot to cope with in the way of the ill and dying.
    Have you?
    At which point Georgie intervenes, Take no notice Nic. Of course she’s doing the competition. She’s like this every year, imagines she’s not up to it.
     
    They arrived at eight thirty. All four of us sat down at the kitchen table. Nic, Simone and Georgie were in splendid moods. Georgie loves having her friends dropping in. She becomes warm, generous and... happy. Perhaps we should live in a commune. Gave Nic back her catalogue with my order.
    Nic observes, ‘Not very impressive Margaret. You mustn’t be so timid with your garden. Just because you’ve got a one-in-three slope doesn’t mean you can’t be adventurous. It’s a matter of compensating for sunburn, poor irrigation, clay soil, etcetera. I’ll add on a few more. Now when are we off to size up the enemy? Sort out the wheat from the chaff, their weaknesses and their strengths. Yes, top me up Georgie. I love a good drop of red.’
    Georgie tops up all our glasses. I lean forward, my arms folded on the table in front of me in what I see as a relaxed pose, ‘The thing is Nic... ’
    Simone yawns, looks at her watch, our clock. ‘Someone tell me what the correct time is please?’
    ‘Eight forty-five’, says