Diary of a Crush: Kiss and Make Up Read Online Free PDF

girlfriend wavelength.
    ‘So what are you and Dylan going to do?’ she asked me half an hour later, as we walked along the canal path with a Mr Whippy apiece.
    ‘I don’t know,’ I admitted. ‘Things had been not so good before the kiss and just bloody awful after that.’
    ‘But you love him, right?’
    Oh God. The tears were threatening a rematch. ‘I love him but he doesn’t love me. On a good day, he might want to shag me if I was willing and that’s about it. And if you tell anyone that, I promise that I will kill you.’
    When we parted in town, there was no point in saying that we’d meet up for trips to the cinema and stuff. We weren’t friends. But I don’t think Mia and I are enemies any more. And that’s actually kinda cool.
     
8th June
    I miss Dylan.
     
10th June
    Maybe if I told Dylan that I know what really happened with him and Mia we could get back to how we were. But he should have told me. Made the effort to make me understand, instead of getting all defensive and cold-shouldery. He said that I should trust him but shouldn’t he have trusted me with the truth? Plus, would it have freaking killed him to send me a Get Well Soon card?
     
17th June
    So, Dylan and I live in the same town, we go to the same college and today is the first time I’ve seen him in twenty-one days. Because he’s so very obviously avoiding me. I haven’t been going to Photography because I’ve had so much work to catch up on, but Martyn put a note in my pigeonhole which said that there was no pressure but it’d be nice to see me before the end of the year.
    I knew Dylan would be there, which is why I spent, like, twenty minutes putting on make-up before the class. Which is just sad and stupid especially as the effect I was going for was the natural look.
    Anyway I got there late because I always get everywhere late and I sat at the back in my usual spot, right next to Dylan, Simon and Paul. When I walked in, Dylan looked up and nodded at me, then turned back to listen to Martyn.
    It hurt that he did that. Like I was just some casual acquaintance instead of someone who he cared for. The night he stayed over when my parents were in Brighton, I’d woken up at one point and his hand had been resting right over my heart. Like the thump thump thump had reassured him. We’d had real intimacy and now all I got was a nod.
    At the end of the class, it just became worse. As I got up to leave, I brushed past him and he turned to look at me. ‘You all right then?’ he asked.
    ‘I’m fine,’ I said and I walked out.
     
30th June
    You know, I don’t think I want to keep a diary any more. What’s the point? I read back what I’ve written in here and it just makes it hurt all over again.
    I don’t really like who I am at the moment, I don’t see Shona because she’s Dylan’s friend and I know I won’t be able to hang out with her and not want to know how he is. And I scuttle straight home these days, I don’t go to Fritzsch’s and I don’t go clubbing because I just can’t bear to see him. He always says hi and it’s worse than him not talking to me at all.
     
7th July
     
    To: [email protected]
    From: [email protected]
    Hey Dylan
    I just thought I’d let you know that I’m going to be spending the next couple of months in Brighton at my grandparents. I think my mum and dad are still in a state of shock that I want to spend the summer so sedately.
    I just need to sort myself out a bit.
    I spoke to Mia a little while ago and she told me what happened that day. I kinda wish that maybe you could have told me instead but you didn’t. Maybe it was better that we split up, we seemed to fight a lot, didn’t we? And I always got the feeling that you thought I was immature. Like, I acted too young or something.
    For what it’s worth, I’ve done a lot of thinking and you are right. I didn’t trust you enough but it’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t want to let you into his life. I don’t really