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You’d think after six years he’d have undercovered something. I mean, what’s left to infiltrate? He infiltrated me!
    eeHaw eeHaw eeHaw
    Anyway, I ended up making an extra $1,300 because they shot something they weren’t supposed to.
    Just something that wasn’t in the contract. If it’s not in the contract, and you do it and they shoot it, they have to pay you extra. Although there’s some stuff that’s not in the contract that I don’t do, ever, not even by accident. I’ve got to protect the J. B. Daniels brand.
    Oh, I just picked it. According to the union, your porn star name is supposed to be the name of the pet you had as a kid and then the name of the street you grew up on. But mine, Prince Charles, was already taken and not very indicative of what I do, so I went with J. B. Daniels. It’s sort of in honor of my dad.
    This is the best champagne.
    So, what do you do?
    That is so cool . I always wanted to be a doctor. I was going to be an anesthesiologist, because I thought it would be nice to take away people’s pain, you know what I mean? Or I guess I could just be one of those doctors who prescribe pain pills. But that’s like eight years of college, and I’d have to get my GED first.
    You don’t prescribe pain pills, do you?
    The weather? You’re a weatherman? Then why’d you say you were a doctor? Oh . I was wondering where my meteor was.
    eeHAW eeHAW eeeeeHAW eeeeehee
    No, ma’am, I will not quiet down. I am here, having some enjoyable conversation with my date, who paid, like, $8,000, and so if he says something funny, I’m going to laugh, okay? Honestly, I don’t give a shit what anniversary you’re having.
    Oh, look, now she’s going to the manager. DON’T FORGET TO TELL HIM HOW YOU’VE BEEN FARTING ALL NIGHT! I mean, talk about affecting the quality of everybody’s meal.
    I am never going back there again, and you shouldn’t either. They completely disrespected you. Listen, you can drop me here. I can’t have guys knowing exactly where I live. You understand.
    I had a great time, too, the with-you part. And thank you again; that was so generous of you to bid so much for me. But it’s for a good cause. Sick kids, right? I’m doing a PSA for them that’s going in the front of all my DVDs.
    So I guess this is “good night.” But don’t think I’m getting out of this car without a hug!
    Ooooooooooooooooooooooh . I love hugs.
    They feel real, don’t they?

Disengagements

    Brynne Scavullo and Sean Martini hooked up at a party two weeks ago. Ms. Scavullo and Mr. Martini hooked up again at a party the following weekend. When they failed to hook up at a party this past Saturday, Ms. Scavullo lamented that it was the end of what could have been a beautiful arrangement.
    Alysa Maguire and Dustin Canfield met at a church pancake breakfast on January 9. They agreed to separate earlier this month, based on Ms. Maguire’s unwillingness to try specific new things. Mr. Canfield has agreed to find a new congregation, his fifth in the past two years.
    Tracy Hanky and Jerome Panke began dating last November based on a shared amusement at the thought of their potential hyphenated surname. In late February, Ms. Hanky extended the riff to include “having a little Hanky-Panke,” at which point Mr. Panke felt the joke had played itself out.
    Cyndra Pettibone’s two-year office flirtation with Stanley Bendix came to an abrupt end last week when Mr. Bendix’s cubicle, adjacent to the women’s restroom, was moved as part of a legal settlement.
    Gwynne Weidner and Ian Buckman met on March 5 at the Hole, a local pub. Mr. Buckman proposed shortly before 1 a.m., and Ms. Weidner accepted. Mr. Buckman rescinded the proposal at approximately 4 a.m., at which point Ms. Weidner allegedly assaulted Mr. Buckman with his five-hundred-dollar Bose clock radio, according to police reports.