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send fees, then when I come we can talk about your problem. But to start with I’m a good Lawyer with first Class Upper professional degree so I believe I can get you out of this mess.
    Just one good point I’ll make now and the others you will wait till I come and we can talk better. From the mail Jean passed to me, I’ll say you are at fault but suffered harassment for a long time. So, to get you out of this mess, a suggestion is putting up a genuine lie backed up with evidence which the court will accept. I’ll tell the court you had a mental disorder for more than a month (it will match the time you started this trouble of yours) and will give them a letter from the psychiatrist hospital.
    We therefore plead you didn’t know what you were doing so all the harassment, embarrassment, and sexual harassment could be put to an end and the case could be stopped. Well, I think with just this point you are probably already convinced that I am capable to get you out of this?
    Hope to hear from you soon, so we could make arrangement on how you are going to send me the money with your details and how to get to you,
    Best Regards,
    Lawyer T. Sanderson
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    From: Bob Servant
    To: Tim Sanderson
    Subject: My defence
    Tim,
    I like your idea and I think it’s just about crazy enough to work. However, I think I may have spotted a slight flaw. Where is the psychiatric hospital you’ll get this letter from? It would maybe look a little strange for me to visit London to get my head examined?
    By the way, that fucking postie is getting right on my tits again. He knows I can’t touch him because of the court case so he’s really rubbing my nose in it. When he delivers the mail he shouts stuff through the letterbox like, “Ooh, is this a letter from your boyfriend Bob?” and he sometimes scores out ‘Bob’ on the letters and writes ‘Blob’. I just want to get him again but I have to stop myself because that will just get me in more trouble.
    Bob
    ----------------------------------
    From: Tim Sanderson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Just ignore him
    Here is my number                        you can call me anytime. But Bob as for him getting on your nerves just ignore him. We will have to go to the nearest hospital to you, the one you are known better, that way it will be easy for us to get the letter.
    Stay safe
    Lawyer T. Sanderson
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    From: Bob Servant
    To: Tim Sanderson
    Subject: Flowers for Jean
    Hello Tim,
    You’re right of course, but it’s hard to ignore him sometimes. This morning I heard a tapping on the window and when I opened it he was standing outside urinating all over my front lawn. He was absolutely loving it, spraying everywhere and laughing at me. I don’t know how much more I can take before I do something that I regret. I would love to call you but my phone has been cut off because of a Booty Express mix-up. I hope to have it working in the next few days.
    I can’t go to the hospital here Tim, I’m banned after a misunderstanding back in ’94. Dundee United won the Scottish Cup and I read in the paper about how the players had taken the cup to see some sick kids at the hospital. I’d been drinking Snowballs in the Ferry Inn with a couple of traffic wardens (who were on duty at the time!) and so I stupidly decided that I would go and help cheer up the kids.
    I made what I thought was an exact origami copy of the Scottish Cup but was really a mess of beer mats and sellotape and went and caught the bus. By the time I got there I was struggling to see but I remember the receptionist telling me that she didn’t think my visit would be appropriate. She asked me for my address which I thought was for a Thank You letter but a week later I got a banning order. 5 Not to worry, we can attack them in other ways. Do you