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bit like the Australian kangaroo.
    Anyway, to cut a long story short these are the charges that I face as a result of that moment of madness –
    ASSAULT
    SEXUAL ASSAULT
    HARRASSMENT
    EXTREME EMBARRASSMENT
    I am in court in two weeks – Can you help? What’s the best defence? I hope we can work together on this,
    Thank you,
    Bob
    ----------------------------------
    From: Jean Kitson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Re: My shame
    I can help you if you want to help yourself, i was going to give you 7% of the check money we are sending to you, but because of the problem you have I talked to the rest of the company board and they said we would offer you $1000 not $700 and if in the long run you did your job well, you might get rewarded more. What you have to do now is get back to me with all your personal and banking details so we can register you as a worker.
    Best regards
    Jean Kitson
    ----------------------------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Jean Kitson
    Subject: Eh?
    Jean,
    Thank you for your help but that is no good. I do not need a job, what I need is a lawyer and I need one urgently. I’d use Pop Wood but the guy’s legal qualifications are only currently recognised in various Broughty Ferry bars.
    Good luck for the future,
    Thanks,
    Bob
    ----------------------------------
    From: Jean Kitson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: I already contacted my attorney
    No Bob,
    I already contacted my attorney just didn’t tell you what he said because I thought you wanted a job. He is willing to come help you at the court so you can be free without charges but he will need you to send him his ticket fee and also pay up front some of the amount to be paid in total after the case is done. Are you also here in the UK, or in another country? Let me know so i can tell the attorney.
    Best Regards
    Jean Kitson
    ----------------------------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Jean Kitson
    Subject: OK
    Yes, I am in the UK, up in Scotland. Can you please tell me what the attorney’s idea is for my defence? Personally, I think it is very important that I had the sack over my head at the time of the so-called sexual assault. I could not see so how could I have known where the hose was going to go? X-ray specs?
    Bob
    ----------------------------------
    From: Jean Kitson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: He said he will fill a document
    Bob,
    OK he said he will fill a document that shows you were not feeling good then and that you didn’t do it intentionally, he said that will work. The travelling fee to Scotland isnt much, about £950 plus the upfront money of the case which is all together about £3000. Hope to hear from you soon so I know what to tell the Attorney. Stay safe,
    Jean Kitson
    ----------------------------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Jean Kitson
    Subject: Chopper?
    Jean,
    Â£950 to get to Scotland? Is he coming by fucking helicopter? I think it would be best if you put me in touch with him directly please,
    Thank you for your help,
    Bob
    ----------------------------------
    From: Jean Kitson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: His email
    His email is                                        and his name is Tim Sanderson. Email him directly,
    Regards
    Jean Kitson
    ----------------------------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Tim Sanderson
    Subject: Hello there
    Howdy,
    I believe that Jean Kitson has explained my case to you, I am looking for a lawyer to come and defend me on some trumped up charges. If you are interested in my case, then please tell me what you think the best defence would be. If it sounds strong enough, I will retain you immediately,
    All the best,
    Bob Servant
    ----------------------------------
    From: Tim Sanderson
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Hello there
    Hello Mr Servant,
    Yes my client Jean has explained things. It would be best for me to come there so we can put our heads together. You’ll have to