Dear Meredith Read Online Free PDF Page B

down to scoop Bandit up in a cuddle.
                "Hello, you," she coos, happily accepting the wet licks Bandit lavishes all over her nose.
                I laugh. Laney is one of the most carefree souls I know, completely the opposite of me. How we ever became so close is a mystery to all, including ourselves. "Laney, Bandit says hi. I think she's already in love with you. Thank God she's not a he, or she'll be humping you in a few months' time."
                I make lemonade in the kitchen while she lies on the floor and rolls around with Bandit.
                "So how are you? I've missed you terribly. How come you got a dog? And how's Mike been doing? Is he better?" she asks, her questions pouring out like rapid-fire as usual.
                My hands freeze on the lemon I'm holding and words fail me because my stupid throat suddenly locks up even though I had seen the question coming. Laney sits up as she catches a glimpse of my face. She gets swiftly to her feet, comes over, Bandit following closely at her heels.
                "Oh my God, Mer, what happened?"
                I take a deep breath. "Laney, Mike's dead. He passed away about two months ago," I say and I am proud of how steady my voice is.
                She reels back in shock, going pale under her tan. " What ? Why didn't you tell me?" she demands, her face darkening like storm clouds rapidly eating up a sunny day.
                I shake my head. "I couldn't. I'm sorry, Laney. I just... couldn't tell you over the phone. And I didn't want to ruin your time overseas."
                She sits down abruptly on the bar stool. "Jesus, Meredith. Do you think I feel any better now knowing that I was off partying with some very hot eighteen-year-olds while you were busy crying your eyes out here with a broken heart?"
                I bite my lip, the tears I refused to shed welling up traitorously in my eyes. "I just couldn't, okay? And a part of me felt that as long as you hadn't found out, Mike would somehow still be alive," I admit, knowing even as I say it that it is a truth I had buried deep, an unconscious thought right until this very moment.
                Laney wipes away her own tears, her face softening at my admission. "Oh, Mer, what am I going to do with you? It's just like you to do such a thing. You can't keep everything inside, taking everything onto your own shoulders. I'm so sorry Mike's gone, he was a good man. I loved him as a brother."
                She comes over and hugs me again. God, how I've missed her. And in my best friend's arms, I begin to cry, really cry, this time. I cry in huge, gasping, heartbroken sobs, the ones that make my shoulders quake violently like a tree caught in a tremendous wind. I cry like there's no tomorrow, because I've lost someone irreplaceable and there's a gaping wound in my heart.
                And through it all, she holds me, stroking my hair as she waits silently for me to cry myself out.
                When I have finally tapered my sobs down to sniffles and the occasional hiccup an interminable length of time later, she places her hands on my shoulders and pushes me gently to arm's length.
                "Tell me everything," she says.
                So I do. I tell her how the last final days of Mike's life were peaceful enough, with his eyes still clear and unclouded despite the pain. How I had sat through the nights, holding his hand, just talking about everything and anything, when he had the strength. And when he didn't anymore, I talked to him and he listened. I tell her about the incredible exhaustion, the bone-deep weariness that sank into me and how I struggled to hide it from Mike.
                I tell her about how I couldn't seem to cry although my heart felt like a stone in my chest. In those last few days, I gave Mike nothing