Dear Meredith Read Online Free PDF

tear-filled blue eyes telling me without words that she knows exactly what is going through my mind. I lean into her hug, while my shoulders shake with silent sobs. It's just that this time, the sobs are filled with gratefulness.
     
                I am still in a daze of disbelief, several hours later. Sprawled on my couch, with Bandit snoozing beside me, I stare up at the ceiling as thoughts whizz past at lightning speed.
                After Janet's revelation, I feel stronger than I ever have since Mike died; as though I have managed to shrug off a part of the horrible, incapacitating cloud of grief that shrouds me like an invisible cloak.
                A part of that strength comes from the fact that I'm not alone. Janet knows how this feels like, every step of the way. I can scarcely imagine her pain as a mother, but she is so very strong that I cannot help but lean on her for comfort.
                Somehow, it is easier for me to start learning to walk again on this new, bewildering journey because I know she has walked this same path and came out stronger. The only thing different is that she had Mike, and I have no child.
                And oh, how I long for a child. For a little boy or girl, with Mike and Janet's eyes the colour of a hot summer sky and my copper hair. But motherhood seems not to be destined for me.
                We had tried in the last two years. The doctors tested us both and pronounced us perfectly healthy. But no child came. And then Mike got sick, and a baby suddenly dropped from our priority list.
                But he gave me Bandit, who has given me indescribable comfort and love, serving as a lifeline for me to hold on to when I felt I was about to give up and drown.
                I look at her adorable face, see her little body rise and fall as she slumbers trustingly, pressed against me. As with the first time I set eyes on her, I cannot help but smile.
                "You're my baby now, Bandit," I whisper, running a hand over her head.
                Lost in such thoughts, my mind and eyes grow heavy with sleep as the sun begins its descent from high noon, my living room a cool and quiet sanctuary against the sticky heat of day.
                I am about to doze off when my doorbell gives a sudden and most unexpected ring.
                Bandit bolts upright with a volley of high-pitched puppy barks and dashes to the door. Her tail is whipping around frenziedly and I remember I have yet to train her to react calmly to the doorbell.
                I'm not exactly high on the list of someone who can count on one hand the number of times I get visitors a month, you see.
                I am wide awake now, my heart thudding with the sudden interruption to the peaceful afternoon. I stride over to the door, gently nudging Bandit to the side and sternly ordering her to sit. She complies after a few seconds, her irrepressible tail thumping rhythmically on the hardwood floor as she quivers impatiently.
                I answer the door, almost as curious as Bandit.
                "Surprise!" To my utter delight, it is Laney standing on my porch, clearly fresh from the airport as her huge hitchhiker's backpack rests at her feet.
                She gives me a long hug, as Bandit bounces around our feet, yipping excitedly and pushing her nose into Laney's ankles for a good sniff.
                "Aren't you supposed to be back next week?" I ask her, hardly able to believe my best friend was back in town.
                "Oh, my research for my article got done earlier than I expected. Besides, I had enough of lounging at beaches. My tan lines are a work of art already and I've already made friends with the cutest bartenders," she says saucily with a wink, her sun-streaked blond hair swinging gracefully over her face as she bends