Dear Evie: The Lost Memories of a Lost Child Read Online Free PDF Page B

head the words my daughter had said, I could see the fear and sadness in the little girls blue eyes.
     
    “What’s wrong, Mommy? Why are you crying?” Gracie was staring at me with concern and confusion. I touched my cheek and confirmed there were tears; but I had not realized that I was crying and I had no idea why I would be. Did just seeing this little girl really make me that upset? With so little knowledge about this child, how could just seeing her image cause such a reaction?
     
    “I’m fine, sweetie. I guess my eyes are all itchy and watery like they get sometimes from the grass and pollen. Remember, your daddy mowed the yard yesterday.”
     
    It was a total lie, but she seemed satisfied, and I couldn’t tell her the truth. Well, baby, your mom is going crazy. I just saw a little girl in your room that isn’t really there, and she was sad so I guess it made me cry . I had never seen the little girl other than in a dream, and her image suddenly appearing like that frightened me. This completely demolished my theory that the dreams had been my concern about Gracie starting school. Why now? Why not in a dream this time? Did this mean that she was a ghost and lived in my house? Had Gracie ever noticed her? I was almost dizzy with the questions that whirled around in my head. I had always heard that children could see spirits when adults could not.
     
    “Gracie, what are the names of your students,” I asked while pointing to her invisible classroom. She simply shrugged her shoulders and continued to play. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt panic. The panic became confusion when I realized it was not panic from seeing the child but panic I felt for her. I was frightened for her. Afraid something would hurt her.
     
    Okay, Katherine, pull yourself together here . How insane was it to worry about a dream… or a ghost… whatever she was. I realized as I started to analyze my reaction that I was feeling what she was feeling; just as I had in my dreams. Don’t ask me how I knew that, but I did. In my dreams I had always felt as if I was seeing inside the child or feeling what she felt. We felt the same emotions. It had been no different during the vision of her in Gracie’s room. The vision had lasted for a second but filled me with an overload of emotions that had caused me to cry in front of my daughter for no explainable reason. I wasn’t going to tell Jason about it. After all, he was so relieved the dreams had stopped, and we were absolutely blissful in our relationship at that time.
     
    That night, however, it became necessary to tell him when the dreams came back. I had fallen asleep easily enough, exhausted by my busy day and by my emotional afternoon in Gracie’s room. I didn’t realize it when I fell asleep, but it was going to be a very emotional night as well.
     
Evie was sitting at the kitchen table working on her letters. Her mother was busy in the kitchen preparing a meal. They were both singing along with the little radio that sat on a shelf on the right of the kitchen window. Evie would hold up the paper occasionally to show her mom the letter she was working on, and her mom would clap and boast about what a wonderful job she had done. When she’d finished, Evie put the papers in her little backpack and pulled out her word list. Her mom would come over to help Evie sound out words, and then kiss her daughter on the head and smile at her with overwhelming pride.
     
But despite this happy interaction, it was clear that not all was well. Her mother seemed to be nervous about something. I could feel that Evie was anxious as well. Both were watching the clock in the kitchen as if waiting for a bomb to explode. Evie couldn’t tell time yet, but she knew when both hands pointed straight down things would change. The ticking clock, as it counted off the seconds, became louder as the tension seemed to build.
     
Evie’s mother would look out the window, searching the dusk of early