Dead Girl Walking Read Online Free PDF Page A

agreed sadly. “The truth.”
    Then I left the party.

    I could hardly see out of the windshield through my tears.
    To shut off my thoughts, I amped my radio full blast and sang at the top of my lungs. I didn’t even know the words to the song, so I messed up the lyrics … like I’d messed up my life. I hoped a truck would smash into me or a bolt of lightning would strike my car. But there wasn’t a cloud, much less a lightning bolt in the sky, and all the trucks on the road were wise enough to avoid me.
    It was almost a surprise to make it home safely.
    Only I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car. Why bother? My life was over. The fact that I was still breathing was a cruel irony.
    There was no going forward or backwards, only sitting here in limbo land. I couldn’t bear to talk to anyone, so going into the house was out of the question. Mom would take one glance at my face, know I was upset, and pepper me with questions. Then she’d tell my father and insist we discuss it over a family meeting.
    So I just sat there, with the car running, drowning in dark, hopeless thoughts. I glanced down at my lucky bracelet, tempted to rip it off my wrist.
    Lots of luck it brought me—all of it bad.
    By Monday morning, whispers and gossip would have spread around school. Basket Case … Basket Case! Is that really what everyone thought of my club? Of me? Were Alyce and Dustin my only real friends? Was everyone just laughing like I was a pathetic joke? I could never return to school. I’d have to transfer to another school or drop out. But dropping out would mean never going to college and having a big career. If I asked Mom about home schooling she’d just say no, because she was already crazy busy raising the triplets. So what could I do?
    I couldn’t just leave school—yet how could I stay?
    Hearing a car, I looked up at the mail truck slowing in front of my house. The mail lady, Sheila, saw me and waved. She and I had gotten to be friends after I’d sent off tons of scholarship applications that sent me rushing out to meet the mail truck daily. But I didn’t want to talk to her today and hear about her chronic back pain and how her sister’s husband was in jail again. So I hunched down in the car and prayed she’d leave.
    Sheila waved again and called out my name.
    Just what I didn’t need.
    But she kept shouting for me, and if I didn’t go over my parents would come out of the house. I wiped my tears, arranging my hair so it partially hid my face. Then I walked over with a fake smile.
    “Amber, check out my new wheels!” Sheila said happily.
    “You finally got a new mail truck?” I said with forced cheerfulness. “Cool.”
    “Isn’t it a beaut? Except that it’s a manual and the gears are all wonky. I’m still getting used to it. But hey, enough about me.” She reached for a letter on her lap. “I have good news for you! That scholarship you were waiting for!”
    They’re probably rejecting me , I thought, but I didn’t want to ruin Sheila’s upbeat mood. So I kept on smiling and took the letter.
    “Well, open it up!” Sheila urged.
    I hesitated, then shrugged and ripped into the envelope. The opening lines jumped out at me: Congratulations! We are happy to offer—
    Ohmygod! I got the scholarship!
    Next thing I knew I was jumping and crying for joy. Sheila laughed and congratulated me, and then said she had to finish her route. I heard an awful clunk of gears as her car jerked forward, tires squealing.
    I read the letter, then read it again. Congratulations! We are happy to offer you a scholarship to a California State University of your choice. We have evaluated your application …
    I’m sure my eyes were as big and round as all those lovely zeroes. I nearly fell to my knees and kissed the pavement.
    Totally, totally amazing! All my dreams come true and folded neatly into an envelope. Grammy Greta was so right. I did have a future—and a great one! I could go anywhere and be anything I